the past

i stand here
and i realize
it’s over
it’ll never be back
what’s done is done
it can’t be changed

the shock
it overwhelms me
takes over my body
and i sit
on the cold, hard ground
it can’t
it can’t be
i’m not done
i’m not ready to be done
i’m not willing for it to be done
but it is
and i can’t control it

the tears
they’re there
but i force them back
push them down
because if i start?
i might never stop
i can’t think about all of this
all of the implications
i’ll never see them again
they won’t be here again
this moment will never happen again
these memories will fade
and be nothing but whispers
of the wind on a cold night
whistling through the mountaintops
brushing past the leaves of the trees
and skimming across the waters of the seas

i’m not ready
not ready to face reality
not ready to face the world
and yet that’s what’s here
right here
in my face
pulling me forward
pushing me off the cliff
but will i fly?
or will i fall?

i grasp beyond me
i grasp at the past
but it slips through my fingers
like the sifting sands
it runs through my hands
like the rushing rivers
and i cry out
but it doesn’t stop
i can’t stop it
i can’t control it
and i fear

i can’t control everything
i can’t stop everything
i can’t bring people back
or make my memories my true reality
but what i can do?
is stop
is look up
is trust
is say,
“God, i know You’re there
i know You’re watching
and i know You have plans
i don’t know what they are
i don’t know when they will happen
but i know they’re there
so i’m going to trust
even when i’m crying
even when i can’t understand
even when i’m in denial
for i know that You love me
i love you, too”

things happen
people come
people go
things change
but God is always there
and He always loves you.

//

learning to trust,
anna

two negatives make a positive

Hey, guys. I know I haven't been on here in a long time. Life's been absolutely crazy. It's like every time I stop doing something, my brain's just racing with - okay, so what are you supposed to be doing? It always seems like I finish one thing, and then I'm off to the next thing. Sometimes the speed of life almost seems suffocating.

And in the midst of everything that I have to get done, I find myself feeling like I have time for nothing. And suddenly everything in my life isn't what it used to be - you know, reading, writing stories, blogging. Also, part of the reason I haven't blogged lately, is that I feel I have nothing to say. And I hate writing when I know that I have nothing that I'm actually trying to say. But, I guess, now I do.

I'm going to switch a little bit from everything that's going on in my life and discuss something that's kind of personal to me. I find in my life that I'm really swayed by everything out there. Not just the movies and the books and websites and whatever, but by the people that I find in my life all the time. I see these people, every day, and after awhile, they start to rub off on me. I've always kind of noticed that if I spend a lot of time around a person, I start talking like them. But what about when my attitude becomes like them?


We live in a rather negative society. We complain about school, about our lots in life, about our family, about our friends, and, let's be honest, about the kind of cereal we eat in the morning and how we don't have enough clothes. To keep it simple, we complain about just about everything. We're always looking to blame somebody for anything that happens to us.

I started realizing in my own life just how much all of this negative behavior was affecting my life, and I didn't like it. This wasn't how I wanted to be. This wasn't caring for people, doing something to brighten their day. Instead, I was taking away the light from other peoples' day. And I wanted to stop it.

The reality is, we all have sin natures. We can't totally take all things negative out of our lives. But we can work our hardest to have positive attitudes, no matter what.

So how did I decide to just magically become positive? Well, I didn't magically decide to do so. It first starts with a conscious effort. When you start to think of something that's complaining, you just have to bite your tongue. If somebody says something negative, instead of joining in the negativity by agreeing, you can come back with some positive. And I've always found that one of the best ways to stay positive is.... dun dun dun! Compliment somebody. You like their shirt? Let them know. They look nice today? Say so. You have no idea how much just simply complimenting somebody makes their day. I know it makes mine every time. And you'll be surprised about how much more positive you yourself feel when you give positivity to others.

But other than combating negativity, making a conscious effort, and complimenting people, even just smiling at others can make their - and your - day more positive. And if somebody looks bothered, ask them how their doing. By caring for others and focusing on helping them, you'll find that both of your days are more positive.

Okay, so, two negatives don't really seem to make a positive in the real world - not that math isn't a in the real world, just... never mind... - but two positives definitely does.

So when you feel that complaint ready to roll off your tongue, or chime in with agreement at someone's griping, stop yourself and instead say, "I'm glad there's science, because we can use it to understand the world." (Or...you know, something positive - and relevant - about whatever negative thing they were talking about.)

And trust me, it's not easy. I'm definitely not positive all the time. But I want to try and be more positive. It makes a difference, and people will be able to tell that there's something different about you. I want to glorify God and care for other people. And having a positive attitude helps me to do that.

God bless!

Be positive,
Anna

P.S. What's something positive about your day?