Prologue

Once upon a time....

Well, I suppose it's once upon a time.

I mean, it could be once upon anything.

A horse.

A knight.

A dance that turned into an ill-fated kidnapping involving two lovers.

Aww, who knows. I sure don't. I just know that I was like fourteen and my sister was sixteen. My sister was named Ellen. She wasn't that pretty. OK, I admit it--she was ugly. She got the nice name--Ellen--and the ugly face. I got the ugly name--Mathusahumplaluckwyn--and the pretty face. But thankfully nobody called me by my full name. They just called me Wyn.

Anywayyyyy, so there was this guy that Ellen liked. He was named Lochinvar. I know, ugly name, right? But, anyway, they really liked each other. Like they were serious about getting married one day.

I personally don't really care for any of that gushy stuff. I don't think I'll ever get married, either, and it's not just because of my ugly, unpronounceable name that's always being said wrong and annoys me to pieces.

I much preferred horses. I mean, could a guy carry you at a fast gallop for like a hundred miles? I don't think so.

Yeah, my dad thought I was kind of a handful, too.

I know I said once upon a time, but really the time wasn't that long ago, just around somewhere in the medieval ages.

I know what you're thinking. If I lived then, that means that there were long dresses and castles and knights and blah, blah, blah. And you're right. In fact, Lochinvar was a knight, too.

What?! You've heard this before?!?!

Oh, I get it.

It's that Sir Walter Scott dude.

Yeah, I know him.

But back then, I knew him as Walt.

Just Walt.

And, actually, he was my best friend.

But I can't really call him my best friend anymore, because he totally changed the story and forgot the ending. Like totally forgot the ending.

And this is the story that I want to tell you.