the past

i stand here
and i realize
it’s over
it’ll never be back
what’s done is done
it can’t be changed

the shock
it overwhelms me
takes over my body
and i sit
on the cold, hard ground
it can’t
it can’t be
i’m not done
i’m not ready to be done
i’m not willing for it to be done
but it is
and i can’t control it

the tears
they’re there
but i force them back
push them down
because if i start?
i might never stop
i can’t think about all of this
all of the implications
i’ll never see them again
they won’t be here again
this moment will never happen again
these memories will fade
and be nothing but whispers
of the wind on a cold night
whistling through the mountaintops
brushing past the leaves of the trees
and skimming across the waters of the seas

i’m not ready
not ready to face reality
not ready to face the world
and yet that’s what’s here
right here
in my face
pulling me forward
pushing me off the cliff
but will i fly?
or will i fall?

i grasp beyond me
i grasp at the past
but it slips through my fingers
like the sifting sands
it runs through my hands
like the rushing rivers
and i cry out
but it doesn’t stop
i can’t stop it
i can’t control it
and i fear

i can’t control everything
i can’t stop everything
i can’t bring people back
or make my memories my true reality
but what i can do?
is stop
is look up
is trust
is say,
“God, i know You’re there
i know You’re watching
and i know You have plans
i don’t know what they are
i don’t know when they will happen
but i know they’re there
so i’m going to trust
even when i’m crying
even when i can’t understand
even when i’m in denial
for i know that You love me
i love you, too”

things happen
people come
people go
things change
but God is always there
and He always loves you.


learning to trust,


  1. I needed this so much.
    this is so beautiful <3 <3 I love it so much.

  2. This is so beautiful it hurts. <3


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