goodbye

when i last saw her
i didn’t realize
that this
this would be
the last time
that i would
see her
alive
i didn’t realize
that i wouldn’t see her
in just a few days
just like i always did
just like i always had

i was blissfully unaware
that morning
my door burst open
and it would never
be the same
“she’s dead”
the words that came
out of her mouth
made my mind revolt

this wasn’t real
this wasn’t reality!
i couldn’t comprehend
what i was being told
we had known each other
for years
she was one of my first friends
here in this strange
new place

even as i sat there
i couldn’t help but think
“this isn’t real
this isn’t happening”
but it was
it is
this was my reality

no
it wasn’t true
it hadn’t happened
it was someone else!
they were lying!

“i just saw her
the other day”
i whispered
tears of confusion
and anger
and pain
streaming down
my face

“she can’t be dead!
she’s not dead!
it’s not real!
it’s not real!”

i rocked
back and forth
convinced
that i was right -
she was not dead
they were lying
she was there -
somewhere

it was impossible
i had just seen her
she was just there
she could not just be gone
in the blink
of an eye

i knew her so well
and suddenly
when i thought of her name
there was this space
this emptiness
because she was gone

“no!”
but yes
she was
she was gone
“no!
it’s not real!
it’s not real!”

and then there
i was standing
in front of the casket
and i looked
but i couldn’t believe it
no
that couldn’t
be her
she couldn’t
be in there
and it lowered
into the ground
and it was covered
with dirt
no
it couldn’t be real
but it was

and i sobbed
i sobbed
harder and harder
and when i thought
i was done
i kept on sobbing

she was gone

no!
it’s not real!

she was dead

no!
it’s not true!

she had left this world
and gone to another
a much, much better
place

no
no

she’s gone
she’s dead
and yet
she’s more alive
than i am

she’s gone
she’s alive
she has gone
to sit
at the feet of Jesus
and she is perfectly
completely
fulfilled

this is true
this is real
and while i may not
understand now
this is part
of the plan

she doesn’t have to know
the pain
the sorrow
the evilness
of this world
any longer

she is with her Father
she is complete

goodbye
for now

2 comments:

  1. Breathtaking..Amazing..I have no words.
    You're an amazing writer Anna!

    ~ shinenelevate.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is incredible Anna. Wow. <3

    grace of golden halcyon

    ReplyDelete

be nice ∞ be kind ∞ be a hero