who’s holding you back?

my hands tremble in my lap, and my stomach’s going to commit mutiny, i just know it. i glance over my shoulder nervously, not wanting to do what i knew i had to.

“you’ll be alright,” they assured me. “you’ll do just great. you always do. you were so scared about everything else, and you survived those, didn’t you?”

“yeah...” i admitted grudgingly. “but this different,” i quickly added.

they gave me a look. “how?”

“i... i haven’t done this part before,” i pointed out.

they shook their head, chuckling. “now you’re just making excuses.”

“no, i’m not!” i defended. “besides... i don’t know what they’re going to think of me. they might make fun of me.”

they leaned forward, dark eyes serious. “who’s holding you back: them, or you?”

i sat there, waiting. the time stretched on, my stomach rode up and plummeted back down an emotional roller coaster. my hands were sweating, my face felt hot, and my heart pumped like crazy as i got off the bench, heading down the hallway.

but their words echoed in my mind:

“who’s holding you back: them, or you?”

- -

don’t hold yourself back.
#marchfest

“anchanya”

i step out of the cottage, and i am struck by the difference a few days can make - green grass is starting to peek out, birds sing their strange songs out into the open air, insects hum and murmur along the earth,  and flowers spread their petals like wings towards the sky.

when did it become like this? i can’t fathom. i used to always run outside the second chores were done. grandmother would see me peeking at her over the edge of her loom, and she would smile and nod.

“yes, anchanya.” i can hear her voice now, low and gravelly, from deep in her throat. “you may go outside now.”

i would run barefoot along these paths, climb those trees over yonder, and splash through the creek that runs through the forest. the tall goliaths of maples and hickorys and aspens were my friends as i bounded along the wood’s secret paths, made by deer and other animals in the deep of the summer. i would be alone, yet not alone. for out here, how could i not see God’s fingertips on everything?

“anchanya,” my grandmother would say, “bless the Good Lord for this day, for He has created everything, that includes you.”

i would always repeat those words in my head as i ran through these forests, and i would yell out everything i was happy for, though it seemed little and strange. and no doubt if anyone had heard me, they would have thought that there was a reason i was out in the forest by myself. but i didn’t care.

“Lord,” i’d shout with all of my lung power, legs pounding down the path and arms opened wide like i was giving the sunshine a hug, “thank you for grandmother’s pies!”

“thank you for the rain!”

“thank you for those interesting beetles!”

“thank you for our house!”

“thank you for the sunshine!”

“thank for for my hair!”
“thank you for the grass, and the flowers, and for chicken, and that i can see and have eyes, and that we have enough food on the table, and that that dog came and visited us yesterday, and that you got us safe home, and for the stars, and the moon...”

i hear the sound of a horse’s whinny, and it brings me back to the moment like a sharp jab. it’s been too long since i’d been home. too long since i’d visited this cottage with its memories, good and bad. too long since i’d run through the forest, thanking God for any and everything. i sucked in my breath, glancing over my shoulder. standing here, like this, i could almost imagine her - my grandmother. i could imagine her coming out, wiping her hands on her apron and giving me a disapproving look.

“anchanya!” she’d yell. “get out of that mud! you’ll make a mess when you want to come inside!”

or she’d brush her straight gray hair that fallen out of her braid behind her ear and yell,

“anchanya! it’s time for supper! come and wash up!”

or maybe...

“anchanya! i’m heading off to the market, be good!”

i could almost imagine her coming out again, looking at me, wiping her hands on her apron yet again and questioning me,

“anchanya, why the sad face? you have tears in your eyes. what’s wrong?”

my mouth was open as if to speak, as if she was really there. my lips trembled as tears formed in my eyes, blurring my vision. i looked up, looked to where she should’ve been standing.

“it’s... it’s you,” i whispered.

i wiped my eyes and headed into the house. it was bare now - the table with the two rickety wooden chairs was gone, and so was the bed in the corner with the homemade quilt. the fireplace was cold, and the ashes that used to always be there had drifted away onto the floor. the shelves were mostly broken, lying on the floor in heaps of wood and nails, sticking out like swords. rotting had taken hold, and several holes were already in the walls. they matched the ones in the ceiling. i stood there, staring at the empty places that i knew so well. that’s where grandmother’s loom had stood - there, there in the corner.

i closed my eyes, and i could almost hear it going, grandmother’s soft hum accompanying it. she was humming “come thou fount of every blessing” - that was her favorite song, and mine, too. we’d spent many a night singing it together, sometimes doing a chore, sometimes doing nothing at all but enjoying each other and, more importantly, enjoying the time praising God.

“anchanya, wherever you go, whatever you become, always remember Who created you. always remember the One who makes the stars shine and the moon glow. always remember, anchanya. always remember.”

my eyes flipped open, and it was gone - there was no loom, no humming, and, more importantly, no grandmother.

“you need to keep moving, anchanya.” there was she was again, her soft voice flooding me. “you need to move on with your life. if you always follow Christ to the end of your days, you will see me again. know that when i die? i will be in paradise. rejoice that i am with the Lord for forever! do not be sorrowful when i leave - rejoice! for though i have died, i have life. God has an amazing adventure set out before you. live for Jesus, anchanya. live for Jesus.”

i turned and left the cottage.

my grandmother had died, several years ago. i hadn’t been here - i was halfway across the world, stranded, with no way to get back to her, to say anything to her, before she left. she would have been dead even by the time i got the letter. but my grandmother... my grandmother would not want me to beat myself up. my grandmother would not want me to stay stuck in the past.

“live for Jesus, anchanya. live for Jesus.”

i was going to live for Jesus.

i glanced over my shoulder back at the cottage, and smiled.

“goodbye, grandmother.”

then i turned, kicked off my boots, threw off my cloak, and raced through the forest. i found the old beaten path i used to follow, threw my hands back like i was hugging the sunlight, and yelled,

“thank you, Lord, for life!”

\\

this life is not the end - just the beginning.
#marchfest

i have a fever

“frozen” fever (the short), that is.

that’s right - i went and saw “cinderella,” and because i did? i got to see “frozen fever”!!!! (slightly ironic that they paired “frozen fever” with “cinderella”, when you think about it - “frozen’s” all about how it’s ridiculous to “fall in love” with someone in one day, and cinderella’s all about a girl and a guy who meet each other once and “fall in love” with each other in one day. hmm...) anywho, “frozen fever” was just like you’d expect - yes, awesome. :) i was dying laughing (even when i felt like i was laughing the hardest in the whole theater. #awkward). let’s let just say it was some level of... EPICNESS. :) (as for cinderella? i think i might do a review. we’ll see...)

are you one of those people who might have that bad habit of sticking stuff that could, oh, i don’t know, become pretty important in the future? well... *nervous laugh*... guilty. *waves hand* i had these gift certificate tickets for the movie theater (that, yes, i used them to watch “cinderella”) that i’d been saving since Christmas, and i honestly COULD. NOT. FIND. THEM. i was looking for like three whole days before i finally found them. so i’ve decided to think twice before placing stuff like that in just any place so that things don’t look so cluttered... yeah. ;)

recently, i read a short story by O. Henry called “one thousand dollars” (i believe it was...) and i actually really loved it. (i won’t give too many details, but i really liked it, so if you’re interested, you should totally check it out! :)) i’ve decided that i really want to start reading more (though if that’s actually going to happen, we have yet to see... ;)). the thing is, is that i want to find a really good book series to enjoy. i feel like either stuff doesn’t capture my attention enough and it’s just boring or it’s bad or i’ve already read it a million times and i’m looking for something new. does anyone have any suggestions, maybe? :) that’d be awesome sauce. :) #awesomesauce (<-- i kinda just wanted to do that ;))

lately, i’ve started a new story that’s actually one that i promised a REALLY long time ago for Britt (yes, hopefully it’s coming, Britt!! so sorry!!!) but is way different than the one that i’d originally started, and i think... i think i really like this one. i’ve realized recently that some of my stories have lacked something that is kind of really important to any good story - a message. any kind of message, really. something like, “everyone’s a person, no matter how small,” in the words of Dr. Suess. something like frozen’s, “true love is putting someone else before yourself.” and suddenly, the story started to just click inside of me and become that much more alive. and what message did i choose?

with God, you’re never alone.

i chose this message because i think it’s one that not only a lot of people can relate to, but it’s also a very personal thing for myself. i feel alone. a lot. i’m not sure if that’s really an easy thing to admit. i mean, everyone wants to think that they’re totally secure about who they are and what their role is in life, and they want to think that they’ve got everything figured out and they’ve got so many friends that it’d be impossible to be alone. but i don’t know about you, or about anybody, really, but i feel alone a lot. it’s like that saying - “you can feel alone in a sea of people.” have you ever felt that? it’s so strange. and scary. really scary.

but the thing is, as Christians? we are never alone. i often have to remind myself of this, because like the terrible sinner that i am, i always forget. but He’s always right there, reminding me of His love for me. and that’s the message that i want to relay through this book. i’m excited. :)

i hope all of you had a wonderful Easter! :) i know i did. and i hope all of you have the greatest day full of sunshine! :) God bless all of you! :)

be a hero,
anna :)
#marchfest

#marchfest

i realize that march 2015’s pretty much over. we’re in the 20s now, and time’s just going to keep flying, faster and faster. but this idea - march fest - came to me in this very special march 2015, a march that will never come around again. and so that’s why i’m honoring this festival of seeing through different eyes by dubbing it march fest.

what is march fest?

well, march fest is something that many people can do in many, many different ways. it’s a way of having yourself see the world through different eyes - more thankful eyes, i suppose. it’s where, at the end of every day, you ask yourself, “what applies to me today?” the answer can be a something God’s been teaching you - “seek God with all your heart” - or a well known quote - “shoot for the stars” - or just something that seems applicable to you today - “it’s okay to make mistakes. don’t dwell - learn from them.” i find that it not only brightens my outlook of what happened in the day, but it also gives me something to look forward to - thinking of something that puts a more optimistic look back on my life. often times, i end the day feeling as if i’ve lost a war. but maybe, instead of just staying in defeat, i can learn from my losses and conquer whatever it is the next day. sometimes i have a hard time remembering stuff like that, and that’s why i think God put #marchfest on my heart.

the story behind this is pretty cool, i think. i was reading the first chapter of Matthew - the chapter where it has the genealogy of Jesus, and then ends with Joseph going to divorce Mary, but God tells him not to. i had randomly flipped to it, asking God to show me where He wanted me to read that day. and when i first flipped to it, i couldn’t help but think, “how on earth is this applicable to me today?” and i was just sitting there, reading it, and i get to the end, the part where Joseph was going to divorce Mary but God told him not to. and then this phrase just suddenly jumps into my head:

“God will direct your paths.”

and then i got up, went over to my calendar, and wrote it down on that day’s date.

“God will direct your paths.” written out, in ink, in front of me, on that day’s date.

then the next day, i got something else. so i went over to my calendar, and wrote it on that day’s date. and i’ve been doing it pretty much on every day since.

so that’s what #marchfest is.

if you want, you can join me in #marchfest. you can write things you’re learning from God, quotes, and just stuff that you think is applicable for you today in just about any place - your journal, your blog, on your calendar like me, or any other place. you don’t have to join #marchfest, but #marchfest is something that i plan on doing at least for the rest of the year. who knows? maybe i’ll do it for the rest of my life.

and if you want to join - and if you’re comfortable with this - you could hashtag #marchfest in the comments and grab the button below to put on your blog. you don’t have to. you don’t have to join #marchfest, either. i just wanted to share this with you guys. :)

<div align="center"> <a href="http://storytellerofwestoncounty.blogspot.com/2015/03/marchfest.html" title="#marchfest linkup" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Z6-bSus-J4v7OOZ87es7qb1WCD8QzaVcbmbDBL1yL1NP-ztZboXOlYbI5vTOOT3IbikcnAE2yAbuVVY2TsYZulYejpkImHjEkhzSMK2x0eC-6ibusGu8A-hyIsOc3KfriWye2gRq7ec/s1600/marchfest1.JPG" alt="#marchfest linkup" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

i hope all of you have the greatest day, and God bless all of you!! :)

be a hero,
anna
#marchfest

then the silence was broken by a roar

HEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

My goodness. I haven’t been on here in ages. I haven’t been on here since last year! *checks blog to make sure that’s correct* Yup. Wow. That’s crazy. Internet silence for more than a month. Though it’s not without good cause, I assure you. I have been scary busy, and haven’t been able to get on. (By the time you get to the end of a big day, I assure you that the only thing that you want to do is sink down into the couch with potato chips and watch a Disney movie. Yup.)

So what on earth have I been up to? Stuff. Lots of stuff. Weirdly enough, I haven’t really got to pursue any of my hobbies lately. (Which... makes sense, I suppose, since I haven’t been able to blog and blogging’s kind of a hobby for me.)

But oh my goodness. I have thought of so many things to right on here. I keep on making mental blog posts in my head - things I want to share with you guys - and then it’s just followed by like, “Except... for the fact that you’ll never be able to get on.” But now I’m on!!! Yippeee!!!!! (Plus, I did something today that will hopefully make it easier to get on. #yes)

And yes!! Those glasses in the picture up there^ are mine. #lovethem I seriously do. :)

(This is slightly random, but I just took a break to check my design email, so just wanted to say so sorry that I hadn’t replied to everyone who emailed me earlier. And also, if you need a reply from me and I haven’t, just let me know. :) Really sorry!)

Have you ever felt like you should do something, but you were too scared? You were afraid to step out, because you thought you might fall? I’ve felt like that. A lot. But something God’s been teaching me is that it’s not about me - it’s about Him. And He calls us to care for others, and to do things that we feel like is jumping off a cliff into a bay of sharks. But sometimes we just need to trust.

Trust is hard for me. I like control. I like things that I can control and put in their spots. So when everything’s going crazy and I don’t feel like I can do the task at hand, it’s kind of one of the worst things ever. And so I find myself saying, “Trust. Trust. TRUST!” But the thing is? Saying words doesn’t help. Because as a really wise person pointed out to me last night, I can’t trust on my own. God’s got to help me.

I have some more words that I want to share with you guys at a later date about not being shy. It’s actually a speech that I wrote, but that I didn’t have to use. It’s so funny - last time I had to write a speech, I was kind of freaking out. It was a few days before I might’ve needed to have made it, and the days before were going to be packed. This was the time I needed to write it, and I was kind of like, “Uhhhh.... what on earth am I supposed to write this on?!?!”

And then my friend told me, “Just write it like a blog post.”

And I did. And it turned out alright. And now when this year came around, I found myself in a situation where I had lots of time to kill, a notebook, and a pen. And I remembered my friend’s words - “Just like a blog post.” So that’s how I wrote it.

There’s something so amazing about just “writing something like a blog post.” Blog posts are amazing (for me, at least) because I’m always way more open then I would be if I was just talking to somebody. Like I actually just write down what I’m thinking and feeling, things that have come up in my life and how I see them through my eyes. There’s something so incredibly honest about it. Something that if you asked me about it, you might not get out of me.

Thanks to all of you for just being there and listening to me. I hope all of you guys have the greatest day. God bless each and every one of you.

God bless,
Anna

P.S. By the way... the title of this post...? Kind of has duals meanings, I suppose. 1) If you’re shy, break your boundaries and step out/speak out and 2) I’ve been silent on here for so long that this post feels like a pleasant roar to me. :)

P.P.S. WOW do I have a crazy amount of labels. lol ;)

P.P.P.S. Are any of you guys sponsors for this blog? Because if you are, I want to make sure to put you up/negotiate a new deal with you or something along those lines. Because I just realized I don't have any lists of sponsors or anything. So sorry if you were one of them and you're not being displayed!! (I don't know what's wrong with my brain. =P) SUPER SORRY!!

i. random

For the reason that I was probably going to just have to come up with the most random picture in the world to fit this post - and since it takes forever to load new pictures on - I have decided that this is a - wait for it, wait for it... - pictureless post!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!! :D

Anywho, Merry Christmas!! :) I realize it's in a few days, but I'm going to be crazy busy doing stuff, so I just thought that I'd say it now. :) We've got some snow on the ground and everything's great. :) How are you guys doing? :) Going anywhere special for the holidays? :) Do any of you guys have any special Christmas traditions that you guys do? :) I hope it's an awesome, God-blessed day!!! :)

Christmas time has been one of my favorite holidays. I love all of the decorations, all of the food (CHOCOLATE?!?! JK hehe :D), most of the music ;), getting to see familiar faces and, most of, celebrating Jesus' birth. I've got some Christmas music that I'll get to play on my cello, which makes me really excited. :) (remind me about the cello later - got a story! :))

(now, where was I...?)

Ah, yes. I'm hoping to able to change my blog design on here real quickly (we'll see if that happens, and if it does, how that goes - I feel like I haven't designed a blog in forever haha ;)) with a Christmasy kind of design, which makes me happy. :)

So what have I been reading?

(blank)

Yeah, that's right, not much. =P

(and that doesn't include Bible reading, because I try to read my Bible every day.)

In the Bible, I've been reading in Isaiah. You know like that famous passage about a voice calling from the wilderness? I finally got to that part. It's really cool to think that you're reading a prophecy and then you see it fulfilled later! I just think that that's really awesome. :)

This is kind of random, but I'm pretty sure I promised something. And you know what that is? A review on How to Train Your Dragon 2. That would usually go on Dragonmaster, but whatever, I'm on here. :) This probably won't be "full length", but I'll write it anyway. And the good news? Most of us have probably watched it by now!! Yay!! aka here come the spoilers. :)

I thought that the movie was pretty good overall, but then we get to the part that I'm sure you're thinking of since I just started saying this part of the sentence. Yup. Stoick's death. That was just pretty much... *sniff sniff* awful. Especially since he'd just reunited with his wife!!!! I just couldn't figure out why on earth they'd want to kill off Stoick in the first place.

Because the actor wanted to quit? They could've made him mute. (I mean, if just Hiccup's leg can get burned off and he doesn't die in the huge explosion of fire, can't just Stoick's voice get blown away?? I mean, makes sense, right?) (and plus, these movies are pretty popular. I couldn't really figure out why the actor would want to quit.) Something happened to injure the real actor? Could've made him mute. They just wanted to kill him because of the emotional reaction? I seriously don't know why. It made me like the movie wayyyyyy less. :(

I don't know. But I liked the movie pretty well other then Stoick getting killed. What about you guys? Thoughts?

You probably noticed that this is post is called "i. random." Yup. That's because it's a new series of posts (like recap) entitled "random" - when there's simply too much content to pick a topic!! YAY!! :) Good news, right? ;)

Oh, right! Cello. So guess what? I got to play "Love is an Open Door" (from Frozen) on the cello! It was awesome. :) I had so much fun. :) I got to use my Frozen piano book, and then I just played on the bottom level. (in the bass clef) I'm having more opportunities to play the cello, which I think is really awesome. :) I'm excited. :)

Good news! I think I found something that kind of puts a clincher on the beginning of a new series. (and it "kind of" has a magical world in it. I might tell you guys more when I get more specifics.) And I have another story idea that I'll have to pan out. (because I have an idea, I just need a story to go along with it. :))

I'm getting the writing bug just thinking about all of this stuff, so I'll see you guys later! :) Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! :)

God bless,
~Anna :)

P.S. Here's some holiday awesomeness from me to you. :)

thoughts (that are slightly random)

it’s so weird finding out what you like, and then really knowing what you like. you know, blog designs, clothes, music, food, whatever. sometimes, you don’t know. but then you just see it - everything you ever dreamed of. and you know - “that - that right there. that’s it.” i love choices. seeing enough of something that you actually have to choose between things. example - clothes. actually finding a store where mostly everything they have you love, and you just think “DUDE I WANT TO BUY THIS WHOLE STORE RIGHT NOW!!” other times, you walk in, you think, “that’s okay,” but there’s nothing really that catches your eye. or like music. you hear lots of music, think, “hey that’s not terribly boring,” where other times you’re just like, “man, i love this song!” or blog designs. i love looking at people’s blog designs. it’s like admiring great paintings. as for the food? you got me. i still have no idea what’s my fave. (i’m guessing chocolate doesn’t count as a food group...)

one of my favorite things about being a photography - cough cough owning a nice camera cough cough - is that it really shows me how great things are. sometimes i see things with just my own eyes that i wish that i capture on the camera. something completely ordinary that suddenly looks beautiful. it happens at strange and random times - holding a pencil, staring up through the leaves of a tree, sitting in a seat. and i think, “that’s just beautiful.”

i’ve been kind of - kind of - wrestling with stories lately. everyone always says, “write what you know,” (sometimes i really wonder who first said that...) but i can’t help but think that the things that i know about aren’t very interesting. i don’t know. i guess that’s partly why i love writing about magical worlds. because no one’s ever been to one, so you can’t write about it because you “know” it. you can just let your imagination run free, and you won’t be rewriting history or something. but, you know, i’m kind of trying to find the happy medium between writing in things that i do know about - extensively - and things that i want to explore. should be an interesting journey.

i hate feeling out of my element. i realize that’s obvious, but i really do. i hate it when i go into something not feeling prepared and not knowing what i’m doing. it’s like having this insane fear that can’t be calmed and you just want to run screaming and jump into a hole and pull a house over you. (well...) and you what else is kind of hard? being the new person. being in a place where everyone else knows what they’re doing, and you don’t. i think if a new person ever comes into my life and doesn’t know about something that i know a lot about, i’m going to help them out. but for now, i’m going to trust God that He’s going to get me through whatever situation that i feel totally out of my element in.

by the way... Happy Late Thanksgiving! :) you know, i thought about doing a Thanksgiving post, but then i was so busy - especially on the day of - that i didn’t really get around to it. hopefully, when it comes, i’ll be able to get in a Christmas post, eh?

gotta go!
be a hero,
anna

ii. recap

aha! you say. here is another recap! you say. and yes, there is one, i say. believe it or not, i actually have lots that i haven’t been able to write about! alright, well, let’s not say lots, but there have been some changes in my life that i haven’t mentioned. and so, here we are, at another recap of Anna’s life.

i. i’m seeing the world a different way.
through glasses, most specifically. yep! i have glasses. but just for long distance, so it’s not all the time. i managed to snag a pair that i love, and hopefully i’ll be showing you guys a picture of them soon! :) (soon, hopefully. i have to get some pictures uploaded from my nikon, which... might take awhile. but hopefully soon...)

ii. i made baked beans. yum.
i honestly love baked beans. (even if they’re from a can) my favorite way is with hotdogs. also, onions taste good in it, too. i love onions. i’m kind of different like that. i just like onions by themselves, too. actually, if you like cook/fry onions and take all their taste away, they aren’t as appealing in my opinion. basically, i like them when they’re spicy.

iii. i’m playing Frozen.
...on the piano. i got this awesome Frozen piano book, and i’ve been having a blast pounding out “love is an open door” [and pretty much everything else, though i warn you, “do you want to build a snowman?” is as sad when you play it on the piano as when you listen to it in the movie]. i also got two other piano books, a piano guys book and a book with themes from the “new” (2006??) version of “pride and prejudice.” they’re all really awesome, and the nice thing about the piano guys book is that it came with optional cello piece and - yay yay - i play the cello, too, so that’s sweet. :) (it’s slightly hard for me, since i haven’t been playing the cell for very long - less then a year! but we’re almost there... kind of - but i’m still able to start-and-stop my way through them. :)) my favorite one is “a thousand years,” because it’s just so gorgeous. :) (you can listen to the piano guys’ version of “a thousand years” here.) speaking of the piano guys...

iv. the piano guys.
they just came out with a new song! i didn’t know part of it, but it still sounded pretty cool. if you want to check it out, just look up the piano guys on youtube and go to their channel. (and if you’re new to the piano guys, you should check out the rest of their songs [if you want to, of course]!! they’re totally awesome. :)) anyway, have any of you guys heard the one called “story of my life”? i love that one, it’s kind of sad, but it’s really pretty. :) oh, oh! and “batman evolution.” i love that one!! :)

v. stories.
yup, here we go. ;) first off - just wanna say, isn’t it so much fun to read older stories written yourself? oh my goodness, it’s just sooooo funny. :) usually, they’re not the best in quality (usually pretty cheesy and stuff) but usually they’re hilarious. =D and then there’s the time when you think, “dude, i could totally change this into really good story now.” i have a new story started off one of those, and it’s actually pretty good. (man, i should really write on that...) anyway, so, i’ve been thinking about stories lately, and i really want to write a story where the main character’s like really a lot like me. i feel like most stories are about daring, adventurous, curious people who take everything in stride and do things pretty perfectly. except i’m not really like that, you know? i’m sometimes shy - unless i know you, then i’m pretty loud - and i’m not really looking for some kind of crazy adventure where i could be killed, and i don’t break rules (and i don’t think it’s good when “curious” people do, either). and i was thinking of some story about this person, who’s like me. and i couldn’t help but think that this could be a really good idea. :) as they always say, “write what you know.” hopefully i’ll be able to tell you more details about it later.

vi. different.
you know what’s really weird? when i was younger, i was so different. rephrase: now that i’m older, i’m so different. and now that i think about it, i think that the differences might be good, you know? i’m not as shy. i’m more willing to do things that i feel like are totally out of my comfort zone. stuff like that. and i think, maybe different’s not that bad...

vii. escuchar música.
so, i’ve started to learn Spanish, which is kind of crazy, but pretty rewarding and fun. i love that moment when you’re learning, and then it just all starts to fall into place, until you can start writing sentences and everything makes sense. it’s one of the greatest moments ever, i feel like. (and the coolest thing? you can in Spanish on our computer! sweet, right? :)) i love practicing by having fake conversations between two people, and then translating them. (translating being optional, of course.) for example (i’m using fake names, just to clarify):

Marisol: ¡Hola, Rosa!
(Hello, Rosa!)
Rosa: ¡Hola, Marisol! ¿Cómo estas?
(Hello, Marisol! How are you?)
Marisol: Muy bien, ¿y a ti?
(I am well, and you?)
Rosa: Así así.
(So so.)
Marisol: ¿Cuál es la fecha?
(What is the date?)
Rosa: Es el diecinueve y noviembre.
(It is the 19th of November.)
Marisol: ¿Qué te gusta más, bailar o cantar?
(What do you like to do more, dance or sing?)
Rosa: Me gusta más cantar.
(I like to sing more.)
Marisol: ¡Adios!
(Goodbye!)
Rosa: ¡Adios!
(Goodbye!)

i don’t know why that’s so much fun to write, it just is. :) i think it would be awesome to be like fluent in Spanish one day. and like maybe try another language. what language? not sure. (maybe Irish? that’d be sweet. :)) oh, and by the way - “escuchar música” means to listen to music. :) which... i like to do. :)

viii. crêpes!
so, guess what? i made crêpes! it was pretty awesome. i kind of made them way too thick (apparently the recipe was for like fourteen, and i made like four...?), so i’m hoping to try it again sometime and make it better. also, i tried custard. probably won’t make that again any time soon. it was actually pretty good, just a little too eggy for my taste. (except then it was in the fridge for awhile, and when i ate it again, it tasted better. so...? i guess i don’t know.) i’ve also got my eyes set on creme puffs. and like crème brûlée. i’m excited. :) *rubs hands together in anticipation*

ix. and they all said ¡adios!
i’ll talk to you guys later, and hope you have all have a great day! :) God bless! :)

be a hero,
anna

Perspective

life has been so busy lately. i’ve been going, and going, and going... and then suddenly, i realize, i haven’t been on here in over a month. and you know? maybe that’s not as bad as i’ve been feeling it is. sitting down here, again writing words, i suddenly realize that maybe there’s something rather special about only posting on here sometimes, instead of flooding it with words. i remember when i used to post every day. i’d rack my brain for things to write. most of the time, it probably wasn’t that interesting, even to me, and i was writing it. it was because i lacked inspiration - lacked anything to write about at all. i was writing simply for the sake of writing, instead of having something to say. i’m not saying randomness is a bad thing - i love randomness. i’m random all the time. i’ll randomly belt out “do you want to build a snowman?” from the disney movie frozen while walking to the fridge. but in our randomness, we still usually have something to say. “this is what’s been happening in my life.” “oh yeah... this crazy thing happened to me the other day.” “i realize this is a bunny trail, but... i have this really hilarious story that i just have to tell you.” and now, as i sit here? i realize i have something to say, too.

sometimes, i’ll glance at something and, instead of seeing it in the old light that i always saw it in, i feel like there’s this new life to it. i finally slow down, and i see it for what others might see it as. as what it really looks like. sometimes things get so familiar - flowers, grass, trees, stars, that coffee cup on the counter - that they start becoming just a blur of things that are ordinary. but really, when you think about, everything is so extraordinary! i think that’s one of the reasons that i love photography. it puts things into perspective. for just that moment, as you’re focusing your lens on something, that’s all that’s there. everything else is blurred into the background. and suddenly you see the beauty, right there in front of you.

i’ve been noticing the stars lately. they are gorgeous. i want to try - somehow, some way - to capture them on camera. like they actually look, though. if i ever do, i hope to share the results with all of you. i love standing in the dark of the night, staring up, and seeing millions upon millions of twinkling lights smiling down at me. God created an amazing then when He created the stars.

i’ve lately been working on a story idea that i came up with late last year. it’s from the point of view of three different people, and it starts out coming from the point of view of a girl named Ravenna. i had figured out the main plot, decided on the personalities of my favorite characters, and, even, made some maps of the fictional place that i was creating. but then it came down to writing the story. i had started writing it, got bored, moved on to other stories. i would come back once in a while, read it, get bored again, and move along. and that’s when i decided, “i’ve got to change this.” so i started a new manuscript from scratch. everything that i’d plotted out before was the same, but i wanted to change what i’d done with the details. i tried, didn’t like it. i tried, didn’t like it. i don’t know how many versions of this girl’s point of view - Ravenna - that i went through. usually when i write stories, i don’t have rough drafts and then final drafts - i just write, and the story usually comes out. (i just write for fun, though.) but with Ravenna? everything was different. i kept on trying to get it right, and it just... wasn’t. i was realizing that i was getting Ravenna all wrong. she wasn’t supposed to be like i kept on painting her to be.  i kept on getting her perspective on things wrong. and so i had to really stop and think about how her perspective was on things. she felt and acted in different ways, which was why it was so confusing. everyone expected her to be one way, so that’s how she was - but now she really was on the inside. Ravenna is an interesting character and, finally, i think i managed to paint her as well as she could be. i finished her first part, and then i started on the second character’s part. the funny thing? i finished his in a single day. the third character? i’m working on it, but, after my first draft, i think i’m going to tweak it just a little. but, thankfully, i think i’ve got his perspective down pretty well.

it’s kind of interesting - when you write stories, it’s kind of like you’re asking the question, “what was life like from their perspective?” you try to come up with a conflict or something that’s going on, and then you insert a character and try to relay what’s going on. but it’s their perspective. i think that’s part of the challenge - making sure you relay their perspective right.

i’m so excited that we’re into fall - it’s my favorite season of the year. i hope you all enjoy your pumpkin pie and your plaid scarves and have a truly wonderful day. God bless each and every one of you!

be a hero,
anna

accomplishment

you know that feeling when you just sit down, grab whatever needs doing, and tackle it? it’s so great. it feels like you just flew to the moon and back - and somebody gave you an ice cream cone of your favorite flavor for free. it’s called accomplishment. i honestly love that feeling. it’s like you just feel yourself relax, and you think, “it’s done.” it’s like it resonates throughout your whole being - you’ve done it. that’s it. congrats. and then that little bit of anxiety that was trapped somewhere inside of you in a box was suddenly unlocked, and it flew away.

it’s like a checklist. i love checklists. it’s like, when you get to the end of them, you get a whole bunch of boxes inside of you being unlocked! and you can just stare at that list of crossed off items and think, “wow, i am so awesome. i just did all of that. right there. sweet.” (JK ;)) it also helps me remember everything. because i honestly forget - really easily. and part of the stress that comes into my life is over, “did i forget something??” and then you have to waste valuable seconds (minutes??) remembering everything you need to do.

have you ever just added stuff to the checklist that you’ve already done, just to check them off? i’m guilty, i know that for sure. and really easy stuff that you know you’re going to be doing later in the day. i love doing that. even if it seems ridiculous, it kind of makes me happy. it’s like, “wow, look at this huge long list of things that i accomplished today!” it seriously just makes me happy. for example...

...
7. Eat lunch!
...

mmhmm. still, i like doing it. :)

you know how sometimes you have a whole bunch of stuff to do, but you just don’t want to do it? and then you just keep putting them off and off... and then you don’t get them done in that day. i do it. you might, too. i hate doing it, really, when it all comes down to it - then i’m left with this feeling like there’s a loose end out there. like an itch i can’t scratch and yet i don’t want to. i really don’t like that. but i still don’t do it sometimes. i think i’ve found that the easiest way to avoid that, is to do the things that you hate most first. then it won’t be haunting the back of your mind while you do everything else, and you’ll exactly end up probably doing everything you needed to do.

what are things that you make you feel accomplished? do you like checklists? :)

have a great day! God bless!

be a hero,
anna