Falling from a great height

i'm pressed against the side, trying to swallow my fear away, but it won't go. don't look down, i tell myself, but i can't help it. my eyes stray to the edge, and i immediately wish they hadn't. below me is a drop of at least fifty feet. if i fell, i would die; my bones would be crushed and my spirit would be gone. i almost can't swallow at the thought. i feel sick. suddenly i'm frozen and i can't move.

"cass, let's go," urges jack.

"i... i can't." my eyes were glued to the ground below. "i can't move." i turned to stare at him in horror. "i'm going to die. jack, i'm going to die! i can't move. i can't move!"

"it's ok, just relax," jack quickly tells me, his eyes nervous. "it's going to be ok. you're going to make it, cass--i promise."

i shake my head, starting to cry. "i can't move, i can't move," i repeat over and over, paralyzed by my fear.

"cass, it's ok. you're going to make it."

no no no.

"cass, come on."

"i can't move," i whisper. "i can't move."

"cass, you have to."

i'm afraid if i move even a step i'm going to plunge to my death. i can't, not yet. i was too young. i... i couldn't do it! i was going to fall!

"you have to," i hiss to myself.

i move one foot forward. i hadn't died yet. come on, you can do it. don't look down. i closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and took another step. i was almost there.

"that's the way, cass," jack encourages me. "you're almost there. good job."

and then i feel it--solid ground. i'm so filled with relief that i sink into the cross, closing my eyes and not wanting to open them ever again.

"you did it, cass," jack smiles down at me. "you did it."

• • •

I don't know if you knew this, but I have a morbid fear of heights. Exactly what happened to Cass in my story happens to me. Sometimes I can do it if I just force myself to do it and I don't look down and nobody talks about how high up it is. (I have a story about that...)

It's especially bad when I'm walking across walkways with glass sides. Oh. My. Gosh. Somebody just kill me now. At first I'll be thinking, "Hey, that looks so cool..." and start walking across, and then I'll get halfway across and realize it's pretty much like having no railings because you can barely see them. Then I realize how far down it is, and I freeze, and I feel like I can't move. I cling to the railing and close my eyes and wish I was on the other side.

I'm so bad with heights, I almost feel sick when I watch people I know go up really high. And rock climbing? Oh my word, I've gone rock climbing like twice in my entire life in the same week, and I almost died. Literally. I got so freaked out that I had to rely on someone else to hold me. It didn't feel safe. I felt like I was going to go plummeting to the ground. (My partner was pretty patient with me...) I finally got the right speed propelling down and started feeling more comfortable leaning back into the harness and the rope, but it was still freaky.

(It only got a little fun on the second day after I'd gotten used to it, and then it was just more of the challenge of making it to the top instead of going up to the top of the easiest climb again and again to get used to it. =P)

Are you scared of heights? Do you know someone who is? Have you ever just felt yourself freeze and not ever want to move again?

Be a hero,

Anna

P.S. I'm wanting to [hopefully] change my pinterest username soon, so if you have any more ideas, tell me soon--I want to be picking as soon as possible. :) (I'm thinking that since beahero was taken, I'm going to skip all the hero stuff [as sad as that sounds... *sniffsniff*] and do something like letyourfearflyfree, since it means so much to me.)