#likeaboss


Last night, there was a centipede on the wall, and my friend grabbed a book and killed it. #likeaboss (It was actually funnier then it sounds. Let me explain the story.)

It was pretty late at night and my friend was going down the hallway to change into pajamas when I was made aware by her (there was no shrieking, I promise ;D) that there was... a bug... of some kind... ON THE WALL. The way she said it made me think of spider so I was immediately like "Where? Where is it?!" She just calmly goes into my room and starts looking for the perfect book along the row of books lined up on my shelf. "It's a centipede," she explained grimly. I glanced down the hallway and saw she was right. She comes out and carefully made her way down the hallway. I could see the little bugger--he was gross. And then, with the stealth of a ninja, she smashed it. "Oh yeah," we joked. "Like a boss." (Something of the sort was said. You must realize I don't have a perfect memory. lol)

On a different note...

I WROTE ON THE UNUSUALS TODAY!!!!!! (*pats self on back* JK haha :D) Was a group effort, of course, between my artistic side, my Unusual side, and my brain, who had lots of ideas of its own. I'm thinking that maybe Jenny and Hannah would be the main characters in the next book...? Not quite sure. I'm hoping to introduce several new characters soon.... (coughcoughAutumnClaireChristinaLaylaAbilaineGracepossiblyseveralotherscoughcough) I'm having way too much fun doing all of these awesome plot twists. mahahahahahaha!!!!! :D Ahem. ANYWAY.

Hope you guys are all having a great day! :)

Be a hero,
Anna

P.S. My mom does an epic matchmaker-from-Mulan imitation. EPIC.

P.P.S. I seriously went through at least three different pictures for this post. Strange...

Updates and a Surprise :)


Have you ever felt like there's so much information and work and everything your head's just going to about explode?? Yeah, I felt like that yesterday. (I believe it was. Or maybe it was the day before that. Let's just say recently, OK, and call it quits...) It's just like that moment when you want to pull your hair out and scream because your mind becomes overloaded and there's that horrible thought of I still have lot a million more things to do. Ugh, I hate that feeling with a really big passion. (It makes me want to scream. Really. And pull my hair out. And maybe even throw a book across the room. OK, I wouldn't do that, but seriously...)

I have a question--is anybody else studying Spanish? Seriously, isn't it one of the most confusing languages in the history of the world?? Well, probably not, but it's the only language I've ever had to learn. (Other then English. But... um... yeah. I grew up speaking that. So.) Sometimes it's really really REALLY confusing... let's just say I'm not gifted at languages like some people. =P

I haven't been writing lately like at all. Not because I don't have ideas and stuff. Mostly because 1) my mind's been kind of in a crazy whirling mess, 2) my new idea that's only part of an idea's killing me, and 3) I really want to write more on the Unusuals but I'm trying to figure out where they're supposed to go next to get to THE FINALE. (Yes, I do know what's going to happen. Yay me! By the way, I have over 100 [small] pages on it, and I've made all of the books [so far] exactly 303, so we're kind of like one third of the way there. Cool, right? I'm excited. It's going to be great. [I added some really funny parts. hehe Come on, there's got to be some perks with having Madeline the defense girl narrating part of it, right? ;)]) I'm excited. =D

I've been a happy little designer lately. Mostly because I've been coming up with some stuff that I'm really loving. :) (It's OK if you guys don't like it, I just happen to personal be loving all of this...) OH MY GOODNESS, I ALMOST FORGOT! Gee, I can't believe I forgot this... practically the whole reason I'm writing this post in the first place... *face palm*

OK, guess what? I've finally made an official designing site instead of just a page! Go and check out Hero Coding & Design! (And as always, all my designs are free. I'd love to have you go and order a package! :)) I was really happy with how I managed to make it look. I seriously had barely any idea about how I wanted the site to look. Then it just sort of... fell together. :) Hope you guys like it! :) (By the way, this is the "surprise" mentioned in the post title. :))

OK, after you read/comment/whatever you're going to do on this post, you've got to check this song out by ThePianoGuys! IT'S SO AWESOME! :D

Be amazingly awesome was usual! :)

Be a hero,
Anna

P.S. The publishing company that I sent Rubberboot Girl still hasn't replied, but I have hope. :) Have any of you guys sent out query letters yet? :)

Back to the Stone Age [hardly]

Yes, I'm exaggerating a bit. =P (I tend to do that quite often. A rather bad habit of mine. But I'm catching it more often now. So that's good.) So, guess what? Our kitchen sink is leaking. Like big time-o baddo. As in we had to order a new one. Soooo... the old one's out of commission. Which means we have to haul water from the laundry room tub sink and pour it into the kitchen sink.

I don't know how many times in the past few days I keep on reaching for the handle of the sink in the kitchen to turn it on for a drink of water and then saw it wasn't there. I'm seriously starting to think that I took our poor old sink for granted...

Hauling the water's not as bad as it sounds. It's just kind of funny because I'd never thought I'd be doing that, you know? I'd never really thought about our sink going out... until... it did... anyway....

It reminded me of the pioneer days when they all had to haul all of that water for washing and everything. OH. MY. WORD. I seriously seriously SERIOUSLY think that we just often take for granted the modern conveniences that we have. Like SERIOUSLY.

(I'll save you from hearing me say "seriously" again in the same paragraph. :D)

Anyway...

I feel like lately I haven't been talking to you guys like I normally do, you know? Well, I mean, kind of. I feel like I haven't just been... I don't know. It's kind of confusing. I haven't felt like my normal bloggie self. Sorry if I've been really boring or something. =P That short story that I did like two posts back just made me realize how much I miss doing short stories. I think I want to bring those back. AND QUIZZES. I MUST BRING THOSE BACK. (Just because I like taking them and I know you guys have liked them in the past. :))

I feel like lately I've been mostly talking about just the huge conflict in my feelings and everything. And, really, that's been my life lately. (Rather crazy.) But I think I'm wanting to be more positive. I mean, like at least on here. I don't know. Like just be my crazy self. (Yes, it has been stashed away for awhile. My more serious self was hoping it was gone for forever. JK) And use caps when I'm really excited. And use a million exclamation points. And do smileys and all sorts of crazy stuff. Because, really, that's what I'm more like if you know me. (At least, that's what I get from myself.... anyway)

I'd love to hear what's happening in your life. Like I don't care... leave me a link to your post or something. Pour out what's going on. Give me something to put on the prayer list. Whatever you want to do, I would love. Because I really love connecting with you guys. I love hearing about your lives and what God's doing. Because that's just amazing.

I'm off rambling again. Well, I do ramble a lot. At least my thoughts ramble a lot. I'm serious. And when I talk to myself...? Don't even get me started. lol

Anyway, hope you guys all have a great day and God bless! :)

Be a hero,
Anna

lately || in lesser words


having
the most confused thoughts of the century
doubts about myself
turmoils inside of me that i can't explain
things that i need to work through
to have God's peace
to realize that i'm not going to die because of one stupid mistake

listening to
lots of lovely songs by leah
"what makes you beautiful" version by thepianoguys [x]
"desert symphony" by thepianoguys [x]
(let's just assume i'm listening a lot to thepianoguys, hmm?)
songs i've heard a million times but this time in my head

reading
strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde by robert louis stevenson
the land of stories: the enchantress returns by chris colfer
the hypnotists by gordon korman
jack and jill by louisa may alcott

realizing
that God's always going to be there for me
that i can be alright
that there's a plan for me
that there's a hope

hoping
that everything's going to be alright
that my dad's going to get better from cancer
that i can just let everything go
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life has set us free from the law of sin and death." ~Romans 8:1-2
live freely, smile often, laugh long.
~anna

Buried Pieces of Paper

i watched the girl through the window as she walked along the border of the stone fence separating the two pastures. her long brown hair went down in waves to her middle. she was tall for her age, almost as tall as i was, and skinny. i'd been watching her for the last few days. as she had done before, she walked down to the end of the wall and jumped over, walking along the road that went through my grandparents' land towards the edge of the woods at the country road. as before, she got down on her knees, despite her dress, and started digging. i watched, as transfixed as before. just like before, she took out a little piece of paper and, with a pained look on her face, wrote something on it and then buried it on the ground, covering it with the dirt until it looked like nothing had happened there. then, with a wan smile on her face, she started skipping back towards the wall, despite the fact that she seemed too old for skipping. she jumped over the wall again and walked back through the field and out of sight.

"who is that girl?" i'd asked my grandparents when i'd first seen her.

"hmm? oh, that's ami," my grandmother had replied. "pretty girl, isn't she? she's our neighbor's daughter."

"why does she always bury something in the ground by the woods?" i questioned.

"i don't know," shrugged my grandfather. "she's just always done that."

"we should dig them up," i suggested.

"no," they both cried at the same time.

i stared at them. "why ever not?"

"chris, whatever it is, it's not for our eyes," my grandmother pointed out. "she hasn't shared it with us, so it's not of our business. promise me you won't dig them up?"

"promise," i told them, though i didn't want to.

one year later

ami and i were good friends. i'd finally met her one day, when they were over for dinner. at first it was kind of awkward, but then it was alright and we could just be normal around each other. we had gotten to know each other pretty well. we could always tell when something was bothering the other person. we always talked to each other about these things, and about our hopes and dreams.

one day, i asked her about the papers.

"i remember when i used to watch you go to the woods and bury those papers," i started. "what did they say?"

my words made ami stop. i could see her lip quivering in fear. what had i done? what i had i said? what was wrong?

"you... you did?" she whispered.

i nodded. "yeah. what was that all about?"

she took a deep breath. "chris, you must promise never to tell anyone and never to open them up. do you promise?"

"i promise."

"i was burying my sins."

i stared at her. "what?"

she took another deep breath. "every time i remembered something bad i've done, instead of letting it haunt me, i wrote it down. and then i buried them. Jesus had paid for them, and they were dead. gone. that's why i buried them. it helped me, you know?" she gave me a shaky smile. "i'm still healing, though. but it's working. God's working. in me."

i slowly nodded. "alright. what made you think of doing that?"

"God," she told me immediately. "through my mom. she suggested it. but i know God was the one who told her. she said that some people can just mentally put them in a box and bury them. but for me, i really needed to bury them."

i smiled at her. "whatever happens, ami, whatever you've done, whatever's happening right now, i'll always be there for you."

she smiled. "i know. and i'll always be there for you, too."

we held hands--not awkwardly, but as friends, thirteen year old friends--and walked down the road together... skipping.

Jealousy


I found myself feeling jealous a lot. OK, come on, admit it, you probably feel jealous a lot. It's hard not to be jealous, it seems, in this world. We're always wanting to be prettier and better at everything. Nothing's ever good enough for us. It's like we're told to keep on striving for the rest of our lives, never content to be ourselves. It's hard to be there, always hating what you do and what you look like and wishing with all your might that you were anybody else in the entire world.
A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot. ~Proverbs 14:30
 I don't know how many times I've looked into the mirror and thought, "Oh, wow, I wish I was someone else," because I thought I was ugly, or I thought the person I was thinking of was lots prettier. We as girls especially lie to ourselves by saying that only if we were prettier or better or something, then someone would love us. I'm talking about friends, people loving us, parents... whatever. We as humans crave for someone to love us.

And guess what? Someone does. That's the good news.

I know what you're thinking. You've heard this time and time again. You know God loves you. Hopefully you also want to turn from feeling jealous. I know I do. Sometimes it's really hard, especially when you're around girls all the time who you think are beautiful or amazing at something that you wish you were. So how do we change?

You've first got to change your mindset. (Don't worry, so do I--I'm still working on this, too.) You shouldn't try and be like those other people. In fact, it's going to be impossible to be exactly like them. Face it--you're not them. But guess what? You're someone else amazing--yourself. So if we can't be them, then who do we become? We become the amazing person that God wants to make us into. If we keep our eyes off those girls that we think are "perfect" and instead turn them to God, you won't believe the difference. You're never going to turn into a "them" clone, so instead improve yourself as God wants you to be. If you think you should be a better friend, work at being a better friend. If you think that you're too shy, work at being courageous. (I'm personally really shy sometimes. But sometimes you just have to kick those feelings aside and have "ten seconds of courage." Crazy, crazy courage.) Whatever it is, work at it. Become the person God wants you to be. Become someone that you would want to be--someone good and kind and patient and caring and loving.

The only person standing in the way? Yourself.
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. ~James 3:16
Don't be jealous. I know it's hard, but it's wrong. Whenever you feel yourself wanting to be someone else, instead think of God. He created you the way that you are for a reason. Maybe you're the only person who will ever reach that one hard heart. Maybe you're the one who will touch thousands. God has a plan for you that's different from anybody else's. Don't throw away that gift that He's giving you--embrace it.

Be a hero,
Anna

P.S. If you want more help, I would love to pray for you and/or put you on the prayer request list on the sidebar. (I don't have to put "because this person has trouble with jealousy" or anything of the sort. Just like "pray for such-and-so." You can just tell me you want me to pray for you. Prayer is a powerful gift.)

Free and Redeemed


I know for me, when I've done something bad, my heart/mind/whatever decides that I should feel guilty and sick for the rest of my life. (Overly so.) Until I feel like I can't ever be happy again, can't ever feel like a normal human being again. Can't ever just be... me. I have to be this person who's always feeling horrible about what they've done.

And that's just not right.

I'm not saying that if you do something bad, it's not natural to feel bad about it. But instead of staying in your guilt for forever, we should instead change and then be done with it.
"There is no need to talk to Edmund of the past." ~Aslan, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (movie)
When I was younger, the only Pevensie kid I liked was Lucy. (Well... of course, that was before I watched the second movie and found out that Peter was jerk, and most likely before I found out that Susan never went to Narnia in the end... so I kind of liked the two of them a little bit.) But now that I'm older, I realize that I really like the character of Edmund, too. In the movie, you can just see how guilty he sometimes feels. Sometimes I feel like that, too. But Edmund changed, and became Edmund the Just. And come on, you like him in the second movie. (Especially compared to how much of a jerk Peter is.) He's so kind. And he believes in Lucy, even when the rest of them don't.

I'm coming to realize that whatever happens, it's OK. I can be forgiven. God forgives me, every single time. And I don't have to live in guilt; in fear; in anything but pure happiness to be a child of God, someone who is saved and loved beyond measure.

I'm still learning. This is a strange, long, painful process that I've sometimes felt like I wouldn't be able to live through. But God's helping me through it. I'm slowly starting to feel God's love beating down on me. I'm slowing starting to accept that I'm not the same person I once was. I do have a certain sense of sensitivity now when others do something bad. I want to help them get back to where they were before--when they didn't have to feel horrible about themselves. I feel like my heart reaches out to them instead of where I might've judged them. In that way, it's good. But I'm still working on my own stuff, too.

Whatever happens, I don't care what you did, if you repent, you will find forgiveness. If nobody else will forgive you, God and I forgive you. You're a beautiful being created by God. Whoever you are, whatever you've done, if you repent and are saved by God, you are a new creation. The things of the old are gone. Your slate's been wiped. You're no longer black--you're as white as snow. Live in the freedom of a new day.
"Every day is a new day, with no mistakes in it." ~Miss Stacy, Anne of Green Gables (movie)
You're free.
"Shake off these heavy chains, and wipe every stain, because I'm not who I used to be--I am Redeemed." ~Big Daddy Weave, Redeemed (song)
You're redeemed.

Words Are More Powerful Then They Seem


I can something jokingly, or just kind of like not thinking about the real meaning or how it comes across, you know? And then I realize later--"Oh my gosh, that was mean/rude/selfish/etc." Sometimes I don't realize how much power my words have. How much people actually listen to me and actually do what I say and stuff. I don't realize just what I'm doing when I let the words slip out of my mouth.

Words are more powerful then they seem.

We might think that we're just joking or something, but what if the person that we're talking to doesn't pick up on the "joking element"? What if all they hear are our words--the ones that we said "jokingly" and then that person thinks they're true. What if you went through your whole life and found out that a friend of yours thought that you thought something that was just "jokingly" said about them or someone else. I mean, how horrible would that be?

Words are more powerful then they seem.

When we say something, we don't know how deep it actually goes. We don't realize that people could be repeating those words over and over in their brains--not because they love them, but because they've struck them in a horrible way. Stung them. Hurt them. If we don't realize the power we have on our words, we could end up hurting people that we love the most.

Words are more powerful then they seem.

Harness your words. Pray to God for help. It might not seem to make sense at the moment, but it might just save you heartbreak.

I'm sorry if my words have ever hurt you. If they have, I am so very sorry.

Alone in a Sea of People


I'll be in an entire room full of people. We’ll be laughing and smiling. I’ll make a joke, people will laugh. Someone will say something, we’ll all smile. We talk and chat and everything seems perfect... or does it? There’s something different. Something I notice. Some people will break off, and they’ll go off with each other to go and talk away from the group. They always go back to that person, and tell them what’s going on and everything that’s happening.

Because they’re their best friend.

I can be in a room full of good friends, people I know, etc., and yet I can just feel like I’m all alone. I can be in a sea of people who know my name and yet I feel as if none of them know who I truly am. I can be friends with so many people, and still feel like a complete stranger; an outsider.
when someone becomes your best friend, suddenly you’re not alone
There’s always One who walks along with us, but sometimes we need an earthly person to pour out our heart to.
*Partly fictional. I yearn for an earthly best friend, but I’m not quite a stranger...

What's up?


Say hello to one of my favorite pairs of shoes--my gray Bearpaw shoes. *sniffle sniffle* I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!! OK, OK, I'll tone it down a little. :D hehe Anyway, this post wasn't supposed to really be about shoes. Well, these shoes. These are like my favorite it's-cold-outside-so-let's-dig-this-awesome-slipper-style. ;) (And they're nice while writing, too. Does anybody else love how like wearing these kind of shoes is in style??? Man, I love whoever came up with these...)


lately
Yesterday I got to go to a fun card-making thing with my friends. Our book club leader did it for us--isn't that really sweet? And we got name tags. :) (That^ one was mine.... I can't believe I didn't totally mess up writing my own name haha :D) It was actually really fun wearing the name tags... until I forgot I was wearing it and went through all of bell choir with it on. Yeah, well, most of the girls who were in my book club were in the bell choir, and my hair was out, so you probably couldn't really see it, anyway. :) (I was just glad I hadn't worn it into the store... lol)


This is my super awesome devotional book that I got from my mom. I love this thing to pieces. It's so amazing, and the devos have helped me a lot, especially with this hard time that I'm going through. Some of them just seem like they were made for me... just on the right days... It's just so cool to see how God's speaking to me through this devotional. I'm so thankful that my mom got it for me. :)
books
Of course, books! These are all the new ones (that I wanted) that we just got at the library. Since I'm volunteering down in the kid's section, and I'm like one of the biggest readers down there (at least I usually check out the most books...), and since I was volunteering, I got first pick! I was so excited, I immediately picked out all the ones I thought looked interesting.

The purple one, if you can kind of see it (under "Mister Max and the Book of Lost Things" and "Fortunately, the Milk"), is the second book in the Land of Stories series, which I'd started earlier. (It's pretty good, and apparently the first book is a #1 New York Times bestseller...? I wouldn't have put it on that list, but it was a cute book...) "Fortunately, the Milk" was a cute, hilarious story that was like only 100 pages long--I finished in one sitting. :D But it was really cute, I really enjoyed it. (And the illustrations were great! :))

The blue one on the far right is "The Hypnotists", by Gordon Korman. (I've read a lot of his books and really like them. He wrote some of the 39 Clues books, too! Oh yeah. lol) I've just started reading that like last night or this morning (I don't remember which), and it's pretty interesting so far! As far as I can tell, there's not going to be anything bad in it... just nice and interesting. :) (It's about a boy, which sometimes I don't like, but Mr. Korman makes it interesting... *plus points*)

writing
Believe it or not, I've been a very bad writer lately. (*bad writer, BAD!*) But I've got lots of ideas rolling around in my head... (Which includes a redo of the Dragonmasters. Can I get a loud YES?!) And this new magic story, which I'm really excited about. (I'm kind of combining two older stories and lots of magic ideas... yes, I'm excited. :)) I've also been enjoying my super awesome writing notebook... (Pictured above.) Which I showed you before...

Other then that, I've been gleaning information and trading and swapping ideas with a friend of mine. (Well, not really swapping and trading. Just talking. :) Hers is amazingly awesome, let me tell you...) And, believe it or not, I've been getting ideas from my history book. OK, that's just strange... (Yeah! Like for my really awesome story that I haven't told you about yet because I'm afraid I'm going to jinx it! And my Dragonmaster story! Oh yeah. hehe)

 more books
Didn't see that coming, eh? ;D Here are some more books I'd checked out before... mostly older books that had been at the library before. Anybody read these? Any thoughts...?
and last but certainly not least
My awesome shoes that my grandma bought me. :) Aren't they cute? I love them. <3

Hope you guys are all having a great day! God bless! :)

Be a hero,
Anna

P.S. I'm going to be changing my pinterest username to letyourfearflyfree, I think. Last time for input... ;)

Falling from a great height


i'm pressed against the side, trying to swallow my fear away, but it won't go. don't look down, i tell myself, but i can't help it. my eyes stray to the edge, and i immediately wish they hadn't. below me is a drop of at least fifty feet. if i fell, i would die; my bones would be crushed and my spirit would be gone. i almost can't swallow at the thought. i feel sick. suddenly i'm frozen and i can't move.

"cass, let's go," urges jack.

"i... i can't." my eyes were glued to the ground below. "i can't move." i turned to stare at him in horror. "i'm going to die. jack, i'm going to die! i can't move. i can't move!"

"it's ok, just relax," jack quickly tells me, his eyes nervous. "it's going to be ok. you're going to make it, cass--i promise."

i shake my head, starting to cry. "i can't move, i can't move," i repeat over and over, paralyzed by my fear.

"cass, it's ok. you're going to make it."

no no no.

"cass, come on."

"i can't move," i whisper. "i can't move."

"cass, you have to."

i'm afraid if i move even a step i'm going to plunge to my death. i can't, not yet. i was too young. i... i couldn't do it! i was going to fall!

"you have to," i hiss to myself.

i move one foot forward. i hadn't died yet. come on, you can do it. don't look down. i closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and took another step. i was almost there.

"that's the way, cass," jack encourages me. "you're almost there. good job."

and then i feel it--solid ground. i'm so filled with relief that i sink into the cross, closing my eyes and not wanting to open them ever again.

"you did it, cass," jack smiles down at me. "you did it."

• • •

I don't know if you knew this, but I have a morbid fear of heights. Exactly what happened to Cass in my story happens to me. Sometimes I can do it if I just force myself to do it and I don't look down and nobody talks about how high up it is. (I have a story about that...)

It's especially bad when I'm walking across walkways with glass sides. Oh. My. Gosh. Somebody just kill me now. At first I'll be thinking, "Hey, that looks so cool..." and start walking across, and then I'll get halfway across and realize it's pretty much like having no railings because you can barely see them. Then I realize how far down it is, and I freeze, and I feel like I can't move. I cling to the railing and close my eyes and wish I was on the other side.

I'm so bad with heights, I almost feel sick when I watch people I know go up really high. And rock climbing? Oh my word, I've gone rock climbing like twice in my entire life in the same week, and I almost died. Literally. I got so freaked out that I had to rely on someone else to hold me. It didn't feel safe. I felt like I was going to go plummeting to the ground. (My partner was pretty patient with me...) I finally got the right speed propelling down and started feeling more comfortable leaning back into the harness and the rope, but it was still freaky.

(It only got a little fun on the second day after I'd gotten used to it, and then it was just more of the challenge of making it to the top instead of going up to the top of the easiest climb again and again to get used to it. =P)

Are you scared of heights? Do you know someone who is? Have you ever just felt yourself freeze and not ever want to move again?

Be a hero,
Anna

P.S. I'm wanting to [hopefully] change my pinterest username soon, so if you have any more ideas, tell me soon--I want to be picking as soon as possible. :) (I'm thinking that since beahero was taken, I'm going to skip all the hero stuff [as sad as that sounds... *sniffsniff*] and do something like letyourfearflyfree, since it means so much to me.)

God can still use me


I might feel like my life is broken and there is no hope for future happiness, but that doesn't mean my life is over. I might feel like I just want to lay down and die, but that doesn't mean I will. I might feel like my heart has been broken into a thousand pieces spread around the earth, but there is One who holds the earth and will pick them up, piece by piece, and, however painful it is, place them back together again. It will never be the same. But I will live.

I'm slowly working through it all and believe me, if I wasn't a Christian, I have no idea where I would be right now--ready to kill myself? Running away? The thought scares me. I'm so blessed to know my loving Creator and have so many amazing people in my life that will listen to me and understand me and not judge me and hate me.
i was a broken being, my heart scattered across the universe. i watched and wept, thinking that there was no way i could come back together again. that's when He reached down and picked them up and placed them together again. you can see the seams of the heart; it's fixed, but never the same. stronger? better? only time will tell.
 Thanks so much for standing by me through this time. My future always seems a little brighter when I think of you guys, and talking to you guys. You guys are my friends. You guys are my heroes. God's having you guys help piece together my heart. <3

God can still use me. God has a plan for me. I guess it takes something like what I'm going through to realize that whatever God's calling me to, whether it's missions or moving to a foreign country or living in somewhere I'd rather not, that that's what I'm going to do. It shows me that my life is totally His, now and forever more.

God's teaching me through the pain. Maybe He's trying to teach you something, too. Just remember that whatever happens, God's there. And I'm here, too. If you ever need to talk to me, ever want something on the prayer request list or anything, just tell me. I'd love to help you, and give you some of the peace that our Heavenly Father's given me.

Lazy Saturday


Believe it or not, the username for pinterest "beahero" is already taken. *gasp* As you can imagine, I'm in a little of a dilemma. So what on earth should I name it? (don't freak out, "lazy saturday" wasn't my idea. :D In fact, I don't have one, other then the other ones I mentioned, which I'm not really liking right now...) Hmm... what about "mythoughtsarestars"? (from the John Green quote on my "about" page...) Or something else. Any ideas? (I might simply change it to imanna if we can't come up with anything...)

Today's one of those nice days--dumpier clothes, no really high exceptions, a little bit of cleaning, fine times with family, snow drifted up high on the ground. It's one of those lazy Saturdays that I love. No school, no therapy. Just a nice day to snuggle up with a book and a cup of tea and let the story unfold. To sit down at the computer and write the story you've been itching to write all week but didn't have the time. It's one of those days. I love those days.

It's a jeans and sweatshirt day. A messy bun and headband day. A day to wash the dishes and clean the house and read a book. A day to forget all of the really hard mental work that you've gone through during the week and just have a break.

Today's the kind of day that I love.

What kind of days do you love?

Winter Wonderland


I woke up early this morning, at six o'clock. It was still dark outside, and I felt like it was a lot earlier then my clock told me. I reached over to the ground, where my books were. Picking one up, and I started to get to work.

I finally finished what I'd woken up early for--to get a head start on some of my work--and I slipped out of bed to get dressed.

And...

I glanced out the window.

Snow flew down in little white flurries, like white fairies dancing down to the ground. I grinned rather broadly, almost not believing it. Snow! On October 4th! Excitement raced through my veins. I loved snow so much. Everything always looked so clean and pure and cleansed. I've always loved snow because of that reason.

I couldn't believe it was actually snowing! I grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and quickly got dressed. I ran up the stairs and threw on my winter clothes. I felt like I'd been doing this for months already as I plopped on my hat, pulled my hood over my head, wrapped a scarf around my neck, put on my coat, a pair of rubberboots, and my gloves and headed out the door into the wetness.

I walked down the path towards the barn, leaning down and, with my gloved hands, picking up a small pile of snow. My tongue came out as I licked the cold flakes. I smiled, letting the rest of the snow fall. I'd tasted the first snow of the season.

As I came back from the barn, the snow was flying harder, hitting my eyes. But I didn't mind. I couldn't help but smile as I mounted the porch and pushed open the door into the house, thoughts of beautiful snow in my head.

I love snow. Do you?

Part of this was fictional. Just a part. Most of it was real. Like I didn't quite run up the stairs. I mean, come on. I had to do my hair and stuff, right? ;) And I was walking, because I was carrying armload of pretty heavy books. Otherwise, mostly true. :)

P.S. Please go and check out these awesome blogs run by some of my awesome friends:

Bethany Faith Photography and A Life Worth Living for Jesus by Bethany
The Proper (Biblical!) Lady by Sage

It's October

made by moi


loveliness is here again \\ scarves and chill and falling leaves \\ we run out in the streets \\ back into the throng of things \\ we're back into the world \\ that we had set aside \\ for the lovely world of summer \\ but now we're back here again \\ donning coat, cap, and scarf \\ grabbing bags and books \\ to join in lovely studies \\ to learn new things we didn't know before \\ to sit before a fire, sipping tea \\ to snuggle in a quiet corner \\ and read an old favorite book \\ i'm glad to be back \\ welcome back, old friend \\ hello, october