Let's sit down and just talk

It's so crazy. We're already on the last day of September. And guess what? I haven't even done like one fall or September post. Which is really rather silly, as September is like one of my most favorite months and fall is definitely my fave. (Followed closely by winter. Then spring. Then summer.)  It's so crazy. This month has been crazy. I feel just about like a chicken running around with its head cut off. (Never seen it? Believe me, it actually happens.)

One good thing is, I finally got my design up. How'd I do? OK, if you hate it, you really don't have to tell me... (I might start crying. JK Actually, I might make a sad face at the computer. Yeah. Yeah.)

There's so many things I love about fall--the fresh, crisp air, the scarves, the boots, the clear blue skies and the fall storms... Fall holds so much for me, too. There's back to school. (Which, admittedly, isn't my favorite.) There's seeing friends. There's going back into old routines that we just thought about briefly during the hot summer months. There's things like choir and bell choir and parades and football games and volleyball games and all of this just comes back and hits me with force. And I love it.

I've been a rather crazy reader of late. No, really. Usually I read a lot more then I have been, like ever since summer started. But I'm getting back into the reading habit. I think most of it is that most books I pick up these days, it seems, have bad stuff in them that I don't want in my brain. (I think that's part of the reason I like writing my own books so much.) So that's why I grabbed a couple of already read books and decided that I would probably be in the kid's section for the rest of my life. Oh well. At least sometimes they have cute little drawings... (Like Tumtum and Nutmeg.)

I'm been thinking about several posts for the last few days, but I really haven't had any time, it seems. (What time I did have, I was using for my goal of finishing this blog design yesterday. So, yeah.) But don't worry. I'm sure I'll get them out there soon. Thanks so much for everybody for sticking with me.

My dad's doing actually pretty good right now. He's not in any pain (at least, his back's not hurting anymore) and he seems back to "normal." That's the good part. The bad part, is that his surgery, which had been on Wednesday (I believe it was) before, not just got postponed until three months. Please just keep on praying for us. The news kind of hit him really hard--he just wanted to get rid of the cancer and be done with it. It would be mean so much. <3 (And please pray for my mom and the rest of my family, too. It hits us hard, and all in different ways.)

I realized that I haven't told you guys very much about my torn ACL lately. (This happened way back in March. The ACL is in the knee. Apparently I don't have one anymore in my left knee.) Well, I don't know if I've said this, but I'm able to walk normally and comfortably without the brace now. I still need the brace for things like running and volleyball and stuff, but otherwise I can just walk without it. I'm doing running/jogging for thirty minutes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and then I have balance exercises on Tuesday and Thursday. Saturday and Sunday are off. (Hallelujah!) But, yeah, otherwise it's pretty good.

And, yes, I'm going to be changing my pinterest username to beahero. Thanks so much to everybody that voted! You know, it's kind of strange--usually I always reply to comments. Well, I'm hoping to reply soon, but it seems like I'm always trying to get something else done that I end up not replying to them, unless they have a specific question or something. =P I'll try to reply really soon! I love reading your comments. They always make me smile and warm my heart. I've been loving all of your comments so much. Thank you so much for making my day, each and every day. <3

Well, this definitely ended up being a longer post then I had planned. (Like... a lot longer.) But I guess it's good. I can finally get out what I've been wanting to get out.

Thanks so much to everybody who's been praying for me and my family. God is working through you in amazing ways. <3

Be a hero,
Anna

P.S. I left the two verses from last week for this week because 1) they're two, so it's kind of like it can get spread out, 2) they're amazingly awesome verses which I hope you've read at least once, and 3) I didn't have time to change them, so it's all worked out. :) God bless you guys. <3

under construction

this blog is currently under construction

please excuse the mess =P

sincerely,
your author and designer

dreams don't fade

we have lied

oh, so often

"that's not my dream anymore"

don't do that. don't throw it away. we all know what we feel. we all know our dreams and desires. we all know that one little wish tugging on our heart when we're alone and hoping no one hears. we stand in the dark and whisper

"i wish"

"i still wish it"

dreams don't fade.

they don't go away.

they go with us.

our dreams change.

our dreams happen.

but it is a very rare thing when we find a dream that wasn't a good dream at all. in that way, it fades a little. it flies away quietly, but sometimes it still nags at us. sometimes you might think about it, but not as a dream anymore. just as a little flyaway, wishful thought; maybe a little whisper, "I wonder what would have happened if...?"

that's okay.

that's alright.

dreams don't totally fade.

but there are sometimes that we just have to accept that that one dream won't ever come true.

so let's trust. <3

there is One who knows all dreams, desires, and thoughts.

He knows what's best.

let's trust. <3

be a hero,

anna

You Guys are my Heroes

Hey, guys.

You don't believe how much it means to me that all of you guys told me that you were praying for me. This is me:

*blank face* *mouth just about drops* *mind is blank with the idea that all of these people are actually praying for me* *realization sinks in* *still can't believe it*

Err, somethin' like that. ;)

I'm doing a little better. God's been working in me and putting the little broken pieces of me back together, slowly, one by one. It's like something I read in my devotional this morning--God will fix you, but it's going to be painful. It is, but I'm getting fixed. Please just keep on praying for me and my family. <3 It means so amazingly much, you seriously have no idea how amazing it is to know that other Christians are out there praying for me. <3 And if there's anything I can about about for you, please tell me. I would love to pray for you. :)

Part of this whole thing that's inside of me is that it's hard for me to really believe that God can forgive all of my sins it's just like, "Are you kidding?! But... but I'm not good enough!" But He does. And that's what I'm slowly able to accept. I don't have to think about my sins, dwell on my sins, stay stuck in my sins forever. They're forgiven and, in a way, they can just be forgotten. Bad memories that I've learned from.

Part of helping me get back to my "normal self", I think, is getting back into blogging. If you've been with me for most of my blogging journey, you know that I've been taking a serious bloggie break. (Like... I used to post each and every single day on each and every single blog I have/am apart of.) I probably still won't post every single day, but I'm hoping to get some more posts on here because, frankly, you guys are some of my best friends and I love connecting with you, sharing my thoughts, my talents, and things that are going on. I like being understood by other girls my age or around my age. (Or maybe not around my age at all.)

Wow, I seriously didn't think this post was going to be this long! (Seriously.) I'm going to be having a new design on here pretty soon, I'm just doing a few final tweaks on it before I want to put it up. ;) (I'm actually considering reading part of it... hmm...) There are lots of parts I like about it but, if you know me, I can be a little bit of a perfectionist about how my blogs look from my own eyes. :) So. That will be up pretty soon.

And the real reason I had decided to do a post at all. Wow. This is going to sound pretty silly after I just said all of that.^ But I was thinking. When I first started my pinterest, I did imstoryteller as my username because I'd seen that some girls did like imjanie (as an example, I really actually don't know anybody named Janie on blogger =P) as their usernames, so I decided to use that. But... um... I don't really like it. *nervous cough* So. I was thinking. What should I change it to? I thought I would let you guys help me out a little, because I always get lots of good ideas but can never choose. =P

Okey dokey. So here are a few that I've come up with so far:

stringingathousandlights

brighterthenashootingstar

touchthesky

letyourfearflyfree

beahero

I'm kind of leaning towards the last one, considering it's kind of my "catch-phrase"... what do ya'll think? :)

Thanks for being like the most amazing friends ever. <3 Love each and every one of you. <3 You are my heroes. <3

Be a hero,
Anna

I've been through a lot lately

I've been going through a lot lately. It's... really hard. It's a battle inside myself and yet things around me, things that I can't control, some of them pretty scary, are happening, too. I can feel the battle going on. I can feel it. It's tough.

I told you my dad has cancer. He's been going through treatments and such ever since like May. Now we just found out he has this clot thing in his lungs, and we don't know if he can have his surgery when we planned. We don't know when he can have it. We don't know if he's going to die tomorrow or today or when. (Not that any of us know when we're going to die.)

It's kind of scary. I've been dealing with a lot of sins that I just feel like are trying to drag me down and kill me in the depths. And yet this thing with my dad is happening, too. Sometimes I just feel like collapsing, crying, yelling, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Sometimes I just feel like I can't. I can't take all of this sin around me and in me. I can't take all of these horrible things that are happening to me and people that I love. I just can't take it. It's like, what's the point? This is just awful. I just want it to end.

I guess that's what's strange about trials and things. We don't think they're ever going to end. I don't feel like mine are. I feel like I'm wallowing in my past sins and I just want to get out. I'm not the same anymore, and yet I'm feeling the punishment of it all weighing down on me like a heavy stone. Like a millstone wrapped around my neck. Suddenly lyrics of songs, Bible passages... it's all making sense. And I keep on hearing the same thing.

"I'm here."

I should know, of all people, what it's like to just feel like giving up... forever. And the fact is, God is always there. Always. Always, always, always. I know it's scary. I know it's tough. I know you sometimes just feel like you'd rather be dead and just have it over with. You just feel like you can't take it anymore. You just feel like this is going to go on forever and you'll never be able to have fun again, you'll never be able to be bored again, you'll never be able to do anything good again.

I still haven't found the end of my trials and the things around me. But I'm trusting in the One who knows all and sees all and knows what's going to happen to me and when and if all of this is going to end. So I'm trusting. I don't know what's going to happen, but please just pray for me. It's tough. I just want to give up. But I'm hoping that there's still a sunrise waiting for me...

why were we in such a rush to grow up?

why were we in such a rush to grow up? why couldn't we just slow down and see how much we were blessed in the way of innocent childhood? why couldn't we have enjoyed the blissful days of beautiful ecstasy? maybe it was because we did not know how we would be plunged into the darkness of the world. maybe it was because we wanted to be like the others we considered our idols and role models and the people who we wanted to be. maybe it was because we saw this dark world as a place full of light, when we were so blind in it all. i don't know. i do know that we all have to grow up. i know that even with the innocence, there can be sin. i know that there are some things that we need to know, even if we would rather not. i know that through knowing, we can save ourselves so much pain. i know that we can attain knowledge that our young minds could not even have begun to comprehend. i know that when we get older, there is a certain bliss of knowing that we are closer to the One who created us, and closer to seeing Him one day soon. i know that when we get older, slowly the pain of growing up wears off, and slowly we realize that this was for the better.

i know it's hard, but we all have to grow up. <3

be a hero,

anna

Twilight's Last Night--Chapter 12

last time

"I'm afraid that won't work for us," I found myself saying. "Thanks for the invite, though."

Evan shrugged. "You're loss." He added under his breath, "Loser." He nodded towards his brother. "Let's go, bro."

They skidded off down the pavement, leaving me and Farren in a smoking cloud of exhaust. Man, I hated diesels.

"I hate those weirdoes," glared Farren.

"We're better off not going," I agreed.

Chapter 12

I practiced crazily that night for the play. I wanted to have as many of my lines memorized as possible before the practice the next day. Every time I just paused and thought about the fact that I was playing Romeo in Romeo and Juliet, I almost wanted to puke. Especially since Sabrina Marks was the one playing Juliet. And who was Evan playing again? Oh, right, a cat. An evil cat. I gulped. My evil cat.

I stared at the script again. The scenes that Evan was in, I was in. Except for the ones where he was helping to betray us to our parents. (The kids version of Romeo and Juliet was a lot different. I'd flipped to the back to see if we died. We didn't--we just got separated, Mr. Tiddles the evil cat has a change of heart, we convince our parents we need to be together, and we get married. Lovely.)

I was feeling so nervous about having to be in so many scenes with the awful Evan and Sabrina that I finally picked up my phone and called Farren.

"Hello?" Farren's voice on the other end answered.

"Farren," I started, "I'm freaked out because I have to be in like all of these scenes with Sabrina and Evan and they're so awful and..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Farren interrupted. "Just slow down a little."

I took a deep breath. "Farren, I'm like in all of the scenes with Sabrina and Evan!"

There was a pause on the other end. "I see your dilemma."

"I know," I groaned. "I'm really worried they're going to try to make me look bad or something. What if they end up trading parts around because like Evan trips me or something like that? That would be awful."

"They're not going to," Farren told me decidedly. "Everything's going to be fine. If Evan and Sabrina ever do something, just tell me, and I'll go and kick their butts."

I laughed. It felt good to laugh, the stress sinking away. "Thanks so much, Farren. You're the best."

I could just imagine her big grin on the other end. "You're welcome."

"'Night," I told her.

"Later," she replied.

I hung up. Staring at the script, I smiled. That was enough for tonight. I threw it onto my desk and ran downstairs to join the family.

AS--To Steal from Pirates

"So?" I flipped my eyes open to Damien staring at me hopefully.

"I... he's..." I trailed off, hoping that I could find something better to say then what I had almost said. "I don't know where he is, Damien."

He stared at me, heartbroken. "But... but you've got to know!"

Suddenly it came to me. "They're going to sell him."

Damien frowned. "What?"

I looked up at him, the whole thing becoming clear. "The sky pirates are going to sell him as a slave. We're got to hurry. Come on!" I grabbed his hand and took off running.

* * *

"Think about it," I started to Damien as we ran, "what's the nearest town that would be most convenient for them to sell Brumby at?"

I, myself, had no idea, since I'd lived in the forest all my life, but surely Damien knew. Surely him and his father would've mapped out all the surrounding towns when they'd first started out their journey for the Lost Locket. Surely he knew.

"Oh, um, it's, um..." Damien frowned to myself, hissing, "Think, Damien!" We kept on running, and suddenly he jumped in the air, shouting joyfully, "It's Coyroy! That's where they would've taken him!"

"Alright," I nodded. "So where's Coyroy? We've got to get there immediately and save Brumby!"

The thought was rather exciting. I'd missed the old man. Damien's father was a lot nicer then himself, and he was rather like a father to me. When he'd disappeared, contrary to Damien's beliefs, I also had felt heartbroken. I was more then horrified when I'd seen him being carried off by the sky pirates on their Sky Ship. The thought had been horrible.

And, though I hadn't admitted this to Damien, it reminded me terribly of the night that my own village had been attacked by Sky Pirates. I was the only one left.

"I don't have enough money to buy him back, though," Damien pointed out suddenly, looking to be in the depths of despair.

"We're not going to buy him back," I smiled, my arms pumping as I ran faster and yelled over my shoulder, "We're going to steal him back!"

A chapter in which Wyn runs for her life

\ Last Time \

I made myself remain calm and folded my arms in a defensive posture. "Yes, um, very nice to meet you, too. Now, if you don't mind, we were about to bed down for the night." A.k.a. buzz off!

She smiled. "Oh, but surely you can't stay here out in the cold. My house is just over the hill, and my father wouldn't..."

"I think that sounds...!" started Sir William.

"...not quite to our needs," I hastily finished. "We're quite comfortable here. But thanks for the offer. I don't think we'll ever be seeing each other again. Good night!"

I grabbed my blanket, plunked myself down on the ground, and covered my entire body, head first, with it. I hoped she thought I was the rudest, most disgusting boy she'd ever met. Which would be, of course, because she was talking to the rather big-headed Lady Wyn who didn't like little farm girls getting the best of her!

"Well...!" I heard her huff.

As I heard her footsteps fading off, I gave myself the leisure to have an evil grin.

* * *

I woke with a start to the sound of galloping hooves.

"Sir William!" I burst out of my bed and found him sleeping with his mouth open in his bedroll, snoring more loudly then anyone else I'd ever heard.

I glanced around nervously. The horses were getting closer. I went to the edge of the hill and stared down. My worst fears were confirmed.

A group of horsemen were coming our way.

"Hurry! Get up!" I yanked the bedroll off Sir William and rolled both his and mine up, placing his on his back and putting mine on my bag. "We've got to go!"

"Wkhalskdfjdlfd...?" Sir William gargled.

"No time to explain!" I pulled him to his feet, yanking him down the hill. "The situation is very dire! We must go immediately!"

I ran, pulling the stumbling Sir William along behind me. I didn't know who the horsemen were, but the situation didn't look good. I looked up ahead as we raced down the opposite side of the hill--we were about a quarter of a mile away from a forest. If we could get there, we'd be able to hide in the trees. We would be safe.

"Hurry!" I yanked Sir William along even faster.

We had a head start, so to speak, but, come on, they were on horses. I wasn't going to take any chances. We had to get to the forest as quickly as possible. The horsemen would probably just keep on galloping, thinking we were still running instead of hiding in the trees.

"We're almost there!" I rushed, my feet a blur in the last few feet before we charged into the forest.

I immediately started pushing Sir William up one of the trees, and pulled myself up afterwards. I climbed higher and higher. By this time, Sir William had woken up more properly. He still had no idea what was going on, but one look at the thundering horsemen coming our way and he scurried up the tree after me.

"What's going on?" he whispered to me as we finally settled deep in the branches.

I glanced nervously towards the ground and whispered, my fear showing plainly through my voice, "I have no idea."

Living a Thousand Lives...

every character is different. ever single one has a story. every single one has different feelings, emotions, talents, thoughts, everything. though sometimes characters seem the same, they are all complex beings that in books we, sometimes, hardly ever even get into.

I've started thousands of books. Ask my friend. She looks at my writing computer and her mouth about drops. ("Those are all books? You finished all those books?!") She's a fellow writer (an awesome one) but she often doesn't have that much time. As you can imagine, I find myself with a lot of time on my hands. For all of those thousands of books, there's going to be millions of characters. Most of you have read some of my work. If you've read a lot of my work, you've probably seen that most of my main characters are pretty alike. They have their sarcastic moments, they have the moments when they just want to fade away, they have their embarrassed moments, and usually I get their "getting the best of the annoying kid" moment in there. But even though they seem so alike, they really are all different.

All of my characters, if they are at all main, are a part of me. Man, probably even most of my villains have some part of me. (though, thankfully, I have never turned evil and brainwashed a girl named Sonya) And then there are the parts that aren't like me. You've probably guessed that I'm a pretty sarcastic person. That's one thing that goes with almost all my characters. Though, strangely, my favorite characters are the ones that aren't that sarcastic. One thing that I always, usually, add on to all of my characters is that they're either beautiful, really athletic and good at everything that goes like that, or something along those lines. I don't think I'm beautiful, as you might have guessed. And I'm not really that athletic. I'm pretty good, around average. I'm towards the "picked first" end. But I'm not the best. I don't think I would ever be picked first. I'm not the fastest. Sometimes I mess up and drop the ball. That's just who I am.

Every time I go and read one of my books, I find myself kind of molding into the character. Not in a creepy way. Just every time I read it, I find myself in their mind, like I'm actually them or something. I imagine everything as if it happened to me. I imagine looking in the mirror and seeing them instead. I rather morph into the character for the time of the book. It's nice, until it's over. Then I realize it's done. I'm not them. I'm myself.

Between every story I go, and I'm them. That's the beauty of creating a character. While I'm writing them, I can become them, if only for a little while. That's why I love making likable characters. Because then it's like I'm them. I can create my own little world, where everything goes as I wish it would go in my own life. Everything goes perfectly, and I can make "myself" react as I would want to react, though I know I really wouldn't. I make my own little world. I suppose that's why I love writing so much.

In that way, I have many selves. I have lived a thousand lives and have had a million adventures. It's rather a glorious thought, though all of it is fiction. Ah, the beauty of books. But at some time, we've got to come back to reality, and reality, though we sometimes rather put it down, is better then we really think.

"When you become a writer, your heart and mind become divided between your many selves." ~Unknown

Be a hero,
Anna

P.S. I just found out I didn't have a "writing" label. That's strange...

Twelve Years Ago, it all Came Tumbling Down

Imagine. The day before was just the same as any other. Thousands of men and woman said goodbye to their family, left their houses, drove to their workplace, and started their day as they had started thousands of others. They didn't know anything was out of place. For some people, they were probably feeling on the top of their game. They had a great job, and everything was perfect.

And then suddenly, on September 9th, 2001, it all came tumbling down.

People taking trips were excited. They were going to be going and visiting the people and places that they'd been missing for a long time. They packed their bags with their favorite clothes and everything else they would need while they were away. They packed up in the car, got to the airport, and waited in line like everyone else. They were anticipating a long, probably boring plane ride to wherever they were going. They didn't think anything was out of the ordinary. They boarded they planes and set off into the sky.

And then to find out that their plane had been taken over by terrorists? Can you imagine their horror? Their fear? The thought of, "Oh my gosh, I'm really going to die." No doubt there were thoughts of, "I'm not ready to die," and, "I haven't done everything that I wanted to do. This isn't right." Maybe even a few sent up a prayer--"God, please let me get out of this alive." But in their hearts they knew that it was soon going to be all over.

When I think about that day twelve years ago, it makes me sad. Thinking about all of those people who died as those planes crashed into not only the Twin Towers, but the other places, too. It's hard to imagine someone willing to crash a plane into a building just to kill as many Americans as they can. To want to do something to kill people. To actually want to end someone's life. I can't imagine feeling like that was right.

When you think of 9/11 today, think of the family members left behind by the victims and send up a prayer for them on this hard day. <3

I Smelled the Sage \\ and told you some things

I stepped outside of the house, feeling glad to be home again. My feet took me away and down the path. I paused, taking in the deep scent of the early morning air. The sun had just barely come above the horizon, painting everything in a beautiful, soft glow. The ground looked wet from the rain the night before. I took in a deep breath--sage. I loved that smell. So fresh. So spring. I smiled. It was good to be home.

I know I said I wouldn't have that much time to post, but apparently I have some time on my hands. (how strange... this seems to always happen, doesn't it? Ah, well...)

what i've been loving
 1) Mandisa's new song, Overcomer! Oh my word, LOVE. THIS. SONG. SO. MUCH!! Anybody else with me?! The words are amazing, and it's so catchy. :)
2)  Reading my old stories. Oh, goodness, younger Anna, you have a very strange sense of humor that never fails to make me laugh... :D
3) Seeing my cat again. I missed you, beautiful-Serena-who-looks-like-Toothless-the-dragon-except-you're-a-cat. :)
4) New blog design ideas. Whoohoo! And awesome new customers who want blog designs. :)
5) Finding my story I wrote about my stuffed animal rabbit when I was like nine/ten after having thought it was lost forever and laughing at the drawings. ;D

missing
1) You guys. Of course. :)
2) Books. We haven't gone to the library lately. =P
3) Friends, most indefinitely.
4) Christmas!! PLEASE COME FAST. (read below one for reason why)
5) And snow. Miss you too. :)

embarrassed because
1) I got tagged in a rather not the best picture of me. =P

feeling sad because
No reason, really. haha :D Just because my friends are gone...

wishing for my birthday
1) Tangled. (YES. <3)
2) Another movie that I can't think of right now but is AMAZING. ;D
Aaaaaaand, that's about it, because I usually can never think of things I want for my birthday. =P

What're you loving/missing/embarrassed because/feeling sad because/wishing for your birthday?

be a hero,

anna

Depression

I was reading a post the other day about how somebody was depressed and they just didn't know how to go on like that. So I decided that I would share my own little story with my own bout of depression.

I'm just going to say that if you've never really been bothered with depression, you really have no idea how horrible it is. I know, because I can remember my thoughts, before I'd gotten depressed. I remember thinking, "Why would somebody want to kill themselves? How could anybody be that depressed?" I ended up talking to an older person that I trusted about my depression, and she asked me, "Have you ever considered suicide?" Thankfully, I was able to answer truthfully, "No."

Instead, I just wanted to run away.

Not for real, you understand. Those were just my feelings. I would never want to kill myself. Instead, my instinct is to take all the things that are important to me and run away, try to make a new start for myself where, maybe, there are people that will care for me.

What on earth brought on my depression? I don't know what it is for everyone, but for me, it was something that might sound rather silly. I've never been anybody's "best" friend. I've had some of the greatest people ever as friends. We can have the greatest times together. We can be really close. But I've never been "best" friends with anyone. I've always imagined that me and my best friend would have like a secret code to leave messages in and secret handshakes and knocks on doors. We could talk freely with each other and be ourselves. We would be so close that when somebody brought up something that they were uncomfortable with, the other person would understand and change.

I didn't really realize what it was at the time. But I felt like I was always striving to be "perfect", but I put it under "being more like Christ". It's true, it's good to learn to be more like Christ. But I was striving so hard to be something that I wasn't that I was being the exact opposite of what I wanted. I thought that everything was my fault. I thought that if I was just nicer, prettier, more funny, something then somebody would want me as their best friend.

As it was, I felt overshadowed by another friend. She seemed so... so... perfect. I wanted to be her so badly. Because of this, every time my mom would point out something that probably wasn't very nice, every time I was corrected, whether it was in school or something I'd pronounced wrong, I felt like they were just pointing out all my faults, just flaunting it in my face about how horrible I was. Like they were waving a best friend in front of my face and then pulling it away just as I reached out, them yelling, "Ha! See?! You're as bad as you thought!" It was horrible. I ended up being even more of a horrible person.

All of these thoughts and feelings brought on depression. I just... I wanted it to go away. I felt horrible. I didn't want to keep on living like this, but I didn't know what to do with it. So I kept on living through it, feeling more and more awful every day. It was like I could just feel how horrible I was and what a sinner I was. I felt like God was the only one who cared about me. The only thing that I was holding onto was the fact that God loved me, that when I died, I knew I was going to be with Him. I felt like that was the one thing that kept me from just drowning in depression.

What brought me back? Well, first off, I know that God was behind it all. He gave me an amazing mom. It had kind of faded off a bit, because I had been doing my usual forget thing. Then something came up. It was another of those correction things. I wasn't being bad, it was just one of those, "Sit up straighter," or, "Don't chew with your mouth open," kind of things. (it wasn't either of those. Just examples.) I just about exploded. At the time, it just seemed so unfair that they could ask me that. Why could they demand that of me?! That was just mean! Horrible! Unfair! Just... just...

Wait, what was it? I found I couldn't name it, you know? I didn't know why I was so angry and mad and crying at the same time. I didn't understand it, it was just happening. My emotions had been kept back for so long, hidden, forgotten, that suddenly I had no idea what they were even. I was so confused and mad and angry and sad and sobbing at the same time.

That's when I had my big meltdown and found out, in a huge sob/yell to myself what it was all about. And suddenly it seemed so clear:

I must be so horrible and awful and everything, because nobody wants me as a best friend.

Every time that somebody had corrected me or anything, I would just feel it pounded down. But then it was out. Out out out. Gone. And I suddenly realized what it was all about. As you can imagine, my mom was a little surprised, too, that this was at the heart of all things. We discussed things that friends had done to me, things that had hurt me. And she told me something that was so so so important for me: "What they do isn't your fault. Everything isn't your fault. You put too much blame on yourself."

That doesn't mean that everything I've done is right. Far from it--I'm a horrible sinner. In fact, I consider myself the worst of all. (Paul in the Bible says he is, but I think I'd beg to differ...) It just means that I shouldn't blame myself for other peoples' actions. I don't know if a best friend is out there for me, but I can still pray for one.

If you feel depressed, I want to encourage you to try and figure out what it is that's behind it all. Tell your parents or some other trusted adult/friend about what you're feeling, and have them help you. Instead of putting yourself down for everything, try to instead separate lies from reality and see what really is you, and change that, and throw away the things that are out of your control.

God loves you. He always will. Even if you reject Him, He will love you to the end of your days. Turn to Him, and I promise you, it will be the best decision of your life. <3

Be a hero,
Anna

P.S. I'm a little scared. I haven't told anybody this, really. At all. So you're reading something special, even if it seems rather strange. God bless you guys. <3 He loves you. Always. <3

the kindle is working!!

Hi so this is Anna, and im writing this from a kindle. its interesting, to say the least haha :D i finally got the post to work by going to the html version of the post. how weird is that? anyway if i dont spell something correctly or capitalize i hope you forgive me. ok so the other day we were going to get some ebooks for this kindle off of books a million and we had just bought two to find out if i liked them when we found out that the the kindle couldnt read thdm. isnt that awful?! anyway we are probably just going to geg real copies of the books with the rest of the gift card money. i know that several of you still have blog designs pending. im going to try and find time to get those done. :) i hope all of you guys have a great day. God bless. -Anna

Tell About Jesus With Geometry

 I sat at the table, my geometry work spread out before me. The angles were driving me crazy, and I just needed a break. I glanced at my work assignment and saw how they'd made a polyhedra (three dimensional figure) out of a piece of paper cut out in the shape of a cross and folded into a cube.

I needed a break. I grabbed my scissors and, following what they'd done, but not taking all the time to measure it out, I cut out the cross shape.

Now I found myself with the cross-shaped paper. I folded the edges so that it'd be ready to fold up into a square.

I realized that it really was a cross. I mean, yeah, I knew it was a cross shape, but it hadn't really thought about it as in Jesus died on a cross. I tilted my head and smiled at it.

How does any of this have to do with how to tell people about Christ through geometry? See it this way. We all have our sins, which we carry around with us, and make us feel heavy with our sins and our burdens. The box represents our sins that we carry around with us every single day.

But when we let go of our sins and find Jesus, our sins are taken away, like when the box is open. We see that the box is made of a cross, showing that we are now in the image of Christ as we are remade; we are free from our sins, having let them go and out of the box. The cross represents Jesus, and how He now lives in us.

The cutout represents God in heaven and how we were taken out of His image. But only when we let our sins go (repent) can we see how we really are made in His image. 

 Geometry might not seem like the likely place to tell someone about Jesus, but who knows? You might just be surprised. :)

*If you must know, part of this story is fictional. Like... I don't think I smiled and tilted my head. More like, "IT'S A CROSS! THAT'S SO COOL!" :)

New Blog Design Winner + Design&Blogger Updates

Hey! :)

So, I redrew for the blog design by me, Let's Go Somewhere, including the people who wanted it in the previous giveaway and didn't win anything and the new people who entered. And guess who won?!

Jessie! :)

Please contact me immediately to get your design put up! :)

If for some reason there was another error and you didn't want it, please tell me right away so that I can pick a new winner.

OK, so, I'm going to be going into a time where I won't be able to post/comment/etc. as much as I usually do. (*sadness*) I'm trying to schedule some posts for the next month or so, so you won't totally be alone, but I admit they might be a little scattered. Also, if you have a blog design that we're in the middle of and we're waiting on something, please contact me immediately so that we can fix up your blog, as I probably won't be able to design anything throughout the whole month of September and possibly into October. (actually, not possibly, positively. But definitely not for all of October. Hopefully. <3)

I will be available the rest of today (most likely, once I check my design email) and tomorrow. I might be available a little bit of Thursday, but after that I'm not sure if I'll be able to design at all. This might sound sad (I don't know if you do), but for me, this is a little sad. I love designing blogs, so whenever somebody lets me design, it's like they're doing a favor for me. :) I also love it how every time I design for somebody, we seem to get to know the other better. Love that. <3 You guys are the greatest friends. <3

And that also comes down to: if I don't comment on your blog for all of September and into October, I DO NOT HATE YOU OR WANT TO IGNORE YOU. In fact, I have a hard time keeping up with your awesomeness every time you guys post. =P So you know what I would love? Every time you post, you imagine a little, "I. LOVE. THIS. POST!!!! <3" from me on there. :) That would be awesome, and believe me, I wish I could put that on there. (because you guys ALL write amazing posts all the time)

Also, if I'm not replying to your comments on here, that's also why.

I can't wait to come back!

God bless all you guys. <3

Be a hero,

Anna

P.S. If you'd pray for me to be more like God and for my dad and his cancer, I would be eternally grateful. <3

My Soul was Touched

Music has always played a big role in my life. It makes me feel better if I'm feeling overloaded, depressed, or sometimes just need a little bit of sunshine in my life. It makes me smile and laugh and sing and dance like crazy when I'm happy, and just need a little something extra. It gives me something to do as my hands work and my mind starts to feel bored.

When I hear a song I love, it's like it gives you permission to jump out of your shell and start to lip-sink and make up new dance moves. It's that little push that sends you and your friends over the edge of being totally yourselves with each other.

Though music seems to elevate our happiness, there are times, too, when we're feeling sad, that suddenly it has new meaning for us. We heard the words before, but it's like it's only finally sinking in as to what it really meant. It's like before we heard, but now we listen. We understand what the person was saying as they penned these words, maybe with a tear in their eye.

"When you're happy, you enjoy the music, but when you're sad, you understand the lyrics." ~Frank Ocean

Music, whenever you're listening to it, rather just touches the soul. <3