Don't Just "Forget"

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I'm just going to say it, I'm not the type of person who's always happy through everything, even when people are mean to me and everything. I'm the type of person who bursts out crying and sinks to the floor, rocking back and forth, hoping that, somehow, I can get out of this pain. That if I can just forget it, all my problems will be solved. Then I don't have to think about it, and everything will seem normal, so, in a way, it will be normal.

That's the biggest lie. Like ever.

Even if you just "forget" about the pain, it's still there. You'll think you're alright, you'll go through the motions of life, you'll feel happy, think you feel joy, and you do, but then something happens; and suddenly, suddenly, it's all there, pouring down on you like a pounding rain. And you don't even understand it, but it's all there: all those feelings, all those fears, everything that you tried to push back, and for a moment, you're crying almost about nothing, but crying about everything.

I know this, because I've gone through it. My first reaction to something that hurts, something that I just want to ignore, is to try and just through it fast; just forgive them or whatever it is, just get on with it, just so that I can forget that pain, that hurt, that sadness, that longing. I just want to forget it, I just want it to go away. But then whenever it comes back up again, I turn into a crying wreck that doesn't even make any sense to me.

That's when that moment comes. When I realize what it really all boils down to. It's so hard to believe that one little thing, one thing that means so much to me, can make me feel so insecure about so other things, and makes me so sensitive to any correction or anything.

I finally got it all out. The thing that I didn't even realize was bothering me. I finally got words to it. I finally got it out of me. I finally realized what it was that made me so sensitive to certain things that most people would just say "OK, sure" or just wave it off; I finally found out why all of these things bothered me. It just hit me, and I could finally get it out.

I just want to say that if you do that, like me, if you just want to get things over with and forget, don't. I know it's painful, I know you just want to get over it, but you'll save yourself so much more pain and hurt and sorrow and can possibly save future relationships. Be open about your feelings, even if they might not be the best. Tell your friends and family what you're feeling and why you're feeling it, and try to work through it with them. And remember that God is always there for you, whatever happens. He's never going to leave you or forsake you. He loves you.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” ~Deuteronomy 31:6

Be a hero,
Anna