Dear Readers,
Stabby seems to have a sad, sad sense
of writing interestingly funny letters. I apologize in which for
whatever reasons, Stabby may have offend you. But honestly; he is but a
unicorn.
The occasional letter, in which Stabby wishes to impress
you, will be written by me. All other letters are his and are
translated below when needed.
Sincerly,
~Madeline
P.S. Stabby's spelling is much improved, but as for his grammar....
dear readers,
the
unicorn you see above is me. of course, i am much more manly and
handsome. i cannot say the same for other unicorns. i pity them greatly.
i
am here, as madeline says, to ''entertain you with my sad gift''. im
afraid i dont have a gift to impress you with. much less a sad gift. but
any gift would become happy looking at my face.
in the next
letter you will find a letter to santa, written by madeline, but i told
her what words to say. i have to have her write it because if my
handwriting looks nice and is spelled write with nice grammar, santa
might believe i have been practicing my handwriting, like i am
supposedly suppose to do.
~stabby the awesome and manly unicorn of fiery death
Dear Santa,
considering my previous lists, this one is very short. I will try to get straight to the point, and list them here:
a bow and arrows: I have found weapons to be necessary. I cannot promise what I will do with them, I will just say I have never liked squirrels.
Or you.
Cotton Balls: living
with Madeline, I have found girls to be very tough and mean. Thus, if
the girl above is as tough as cotton balls, cotton balls must be very
tough.
I hope they will work for throwing.
Extra Candy:
I was very surprised last year to note you didn't give me a lot of
candy. Thus, as one of my gifts, I ask for extra candy. Oh, and those
reindeer shaped empty chocolates--cruel jokes.
And that unicorn shaped empty chocolate--old man, you go too far.
An afro-- I refuse to explain this wish.
Sincerely,
Stabby the awesome and manly unicorn of fiery death
A LETTER FROM STABBY TO HIS COUSINS, THE CHIPMUNKS.
dear chipmunks,
i
hope you are doing well. congratulation on the birth of bertha. yes, i
totally agree. 12 whole different names are one too many. i suggest
calling the first one ''bertha 1'', and the 12th ''bertha 2''. senior
and junior also work, as well.
a visit? i hope so, but
madeline would fear i would run away. alissa put me in her hands, you
know, and alissa isn't the typical trusting person. but madeline is
probably right.
im sorry to hear you arent doing well
financially. i have in cased 5 gold coins, and i hope they will help. i
also heard about the ''new'' president {i would say technically he is
new, even though it is his second term}, president bama chipmunk. i'm
not sure just who you were supporting, but if it was president bama
chipmunk, congratulation, or if it was omney chipmunk, i am sorry. i
have to admit i don't care, considering i don't live under the reign of a
chipmunk president.
really, i ought to go. i smell pie.
sincerely,
{
OH, DORA'S ON!}
~stabby the awesome and manly unicorn of fiery death
The Part of the letter to Santa Stabby forgot to write:
Oh,
and Dear Santa, I also want Elmo. He and I have some... uh....
unfinished talking to do. The little red midget owes 10 pennies.
Sincerly,
~Stabby the awesome and manly unicorn of fiery death
A letter from Madeline:
Dear Readers,
I
hope you have enjoyed this. And if you are shaking in fear, at the
corner-i-est corner of all corners in your closet, I regret this most
fearfully. Stabby has done the same thing to me, more than once.
Sincerely,
~Madeline
------------
The authors of ''In Which Stabby ATTEMPTS to Write Letters'':
---------
Madeline
simply refuses to believe her fiction character, Stabby, does not
exist. With a warm heart but strict ideas, Madeline takes care of
Stabby. {However, she still does regret the fact she decided to take
care of Stabby until his owner, Alissa, could retrieve him}
Stabby
has way too many ideas of life. For instant, the mountain of giant
strawberry-chocolate-Carmel ice cream in the floating cloud land of
''Ranie''. Another one includes that all squirrels are evil. But that is
not so much of a lie as it is a reality. Evil squirrels.
