i have a loud mind

I write better then I talk. I can think of a million things to put on paper. (err... computer screen) But sometimes when I'm trying to get what I mean out of my mouth, it just doesn't come out the way I imagined it. And besides, I can write poetically and "romanically" (err, you know what I mean, like inspirational?) but when I talk like that... mean, I feel like a weirdo.

Sometimes it's hard for me to get out what I'm trying to say, you know? I know the feeling, I know what it is, it's just... I don't know how to say it. It's hard for me. Maybe it would be easier if I wrote it down, I don't know. Usually things seem to make more sense that way. Like when I let a non-rhyming poem flow out of me. It's rather like what I feel.

It's so hard. And yet sometimes I feel like I then end up saying the wrong thing. It's it just that. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. It annoys me to pieces. I just want to get it out, but it's so hard.

I'm not really a quiet person, you know? I'm sometimes rather loud. But that's around my friends and people I know. Around people I don't know? I'm pretty shy. Usually. Unless I make myself do stuff. Like come over and say hi and introduce myself. Sometimes that ends kind of awkwardly, but at least I did it.

But my mind's always working. Always thinking. Always wishing. Trying to figure out why I'm so scared. Why don't I just want to do it? What am I afraid of? Failing? Them thinking I'm stupid? What is it?

I have a loud mind. It's always thinking. Sometimes, when I'm by myself, I'm having mini conversations with myself in my brain. (and sometimes it comes out. That's the embarrassing part... because then if somebody hears you, they think you're crazy.... or a hobo broke into the house...)

Sometimes I just don't know how to express how I feel.

But I'm trying.

Thanks for reading. <3

P.S. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited!! (this doesn't quite sound like the same person who just wrote that^, but I don't know care. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!) I finally figured out the design I want for the 150 mark. Get ready, peoples!!! ;D